Things I Love and Things I Hate

I woke up today to one of the things I hate the worst! Thunderstorms! I am completely terrified of thunder. I've always been afraid of loud noises, even as a child. During 4th of July fireworks display my parents would put an old AM/FM headset over my ears and crank up the oldies music so that I didn't hear the big bangs. I shuttered my entire drive into work seeing the lightening and clenching up until I heard the thunder. Ugh! The other thing I hate the most: ketchup. I don't want to talk about it. Typing about it makes me feel ick!

Things that I am loving right now:
Pomegranate seeds- Adri @ The Whole Tulip recommended these yummies from Trader Joe's. I bought some yestderday

Babybel Light Cheese- Picked these up at the store yesterday and couldnt stop! Remind me of Europe :)

This Blog- Nosh N' Nutrition. Tons of comfort food recipes made slightly healthier. Also includes weight watchers points. I think one of my problems staying committed to WW is that I am not a fruit and veggie person. I like pasta, cream sauce, and chicken. I think wraps suck and salads are blah (I hate dressing and sauces so that might contribute!) but these recipes are yummy and pretty easy to make. Only downside, she uses a lot of artificial ingredients. I try to eat as fresh and "clean" as possible but everything in moderation is more my style. Hopefully I'll enjoy my bland salads for lunch and be able to enjoy comfort food for dinner. I'm making the healthy chicken portobello lasagna tonight! I'll let you know how it goes!

Well how do I love you?

Let me count the ways
There ain't no number high enough to end this phrase

Garth anyone?

To the point of this post. 10pm. Laying in bed, reading over the blog... Oops! I forgot to get my prescription of fertility drugs filled. I need to take them like um 4 hours ago. My loving husband got out of bed, did not complain one bit and headed off to Walgreens. I love him :)

Yummy Gourmet Grilled Cheese

The weather in Charlotte is GROSS! Days and days of rain and chilly temperatures. Yesterday on my planning period, I ran to the teeter to grab the ingredients for the best yucky weather dinner. Grilled cheese and tomato soup with a twist!

What you need:

Crusty Italian bread from the bakery. If its not sliced, get them to slice it for you

Kraft BIG sliced cheese. I use 2% reduced fat sharp cheddar

Vine ripened tomatoes

Oscar Meyer Applewood Smoked Bacon. Yum.

Fry up the bacon. Butter up the bread. Put it all together on the panini press and yum, the best grilled cheese!

For the soup, I was looking for a great homemade tomato basil recipe and didn't find one on my iPhone while strolling through the grocery store so I opted for Progresso Tomato Basil and Chunky tomato. I bought two cans of each and combined them all in a big pot. It was not enough for 5 people! So buy lots because it is good! And if you have a great tomato basil soup please let me know. I've got my handy dandy immersion blender and can't wait to use it!

REACH has redeemed. CD3

So after a long exhausting discussion with my husband and mother regarding what I should do about the dilemma I wrote about in my last post, I decided to call my doctor and set up a meeting for Jay and I to talk to him about our options. I left a message last night and expected to hear back sometime today.

Jay wasn't able to go to my CD3 appointment today so my mom accompanied me. It was sort of cool to share with her this part of our world; the waiting for bloodwork, meeting with the doctor, the ultrasound, the counting of the eggs (7 less than 5 on the right and 8 less than 10 on the left. I'm an egg machine!). I was surprised when we went back and the nurse told us that we'd be meeting with Dr. Wing this morning. I asked him about IVF and his opinion. Since our insurance covers IUI, he wants us to try the IUI one more time and see where Jay's sperm count is. He said that IUIs do work with super low counts because they are so concetrated, but it is very rare. He gave us hope though and said that Jay had PLENTY of sperm for IVF to work! If this IUI is unsuccessful, we'll switch to IVF which evidently takes about a month to prepare for the cycle. I was happy with his answer and it made sense to me. I felt SOOOO much better after leaving the clinic today.

Now I'll just wait for the nurse to call me back with the protocol. I'm thinking it will be a round of Femera, Ovidrel injection, the IUI, and a round of Crinone after. I just need to remember to ask them why my period came so early this month, to make sure my progesterone level is where it should be.

Unhappy

So today was the first day I've been unhappy with REACH. The nurse called back and said that it was up to me. We could wait a month or go ahead with it. She said that she didn't really get a chance to talk to Dr. Wing for a long time, but he said I could do either and didn't get his recommendation. I told her lets go ahead with it. She scheduled me for my ultrasound and bloodwork tomorrow, CD3. She told me Dr. Katz would do the monitoring and she checked to make sure that I still had refills. Huh? Refills? Um refills? I thought we were doing IVF? I guess not... I'm guessing we're trying IUI again? How was this not communicated?

I don't think I can take another IUI! And what was the other option she was talking about? Just doing nothing this month?! She also said something about how sometimes the Clomid doesn't even do anything for the guy. I'm just wondering; with his count sooo low, WHY are we trying this again?! I'm really frustrated. Have you ever felt like the doctor wasn't listening to what you had to say? I definitely feel like this now. I don't know what to do. I'm really unhappy with the situation. I'm unhappy that it doesn't seem like my doctor has a plan for me. Am I just going to sit here and do IUI after IUI? I want to scream at the lady MY HUSBAND HAS NO SPERM! What the F^*$ are we doing!?!?! I just cannot even express my disappointment. I feel like I'm being told no but not given any response. I probably won't even see my doctor until next month. I want to cry.

Also, I'm concerned that I'm starting my period so early. I mean day 25? When I'm on progesterone to postpone it! Do they even care? It really sucks not being able to control this situation. UGH

Infertility- Tips for Coping

I recently found these resources online and they've really helped me understand that is okay and totally normal to feel sad and to feel like trying to get pregnant is consuming your life. I know none of my readers are currently going through this but if anyone that reads this is, I hope you find this information helpful!

Article 1:
The Emotional Impact of Fertility Problems

Article 2:
Ten Tips For Coping with Fertility Issues

The pressure to raise a family can be enormous, and the thought of not being able to have children can make many people feel something is wrong with them. We talked to respected psychologists who work with couples with fertility problems to find out which coping strategies really work.

Recognize that a fertility problem is a crisis. A fertility problem may be one of the most difficult challenges you'll ever face. Acknowledging this is a key to coping, says Kate Marosek, who's counseled couples with fertility complications in the Washington, D.C., area for more than ten years.

"It's normal to feel a monumental sense of loss, to feel stressed, sad, or overwhelmed," says Marosek. "Don't chastise yourself for feeling this way." Facing and accepting your emotions can help you move beyond them.

Don't blame yourself. Resist the temptation to get angry at yourself or to listen to the little voice in your head that's saying, "I shouldn't have waited; I'm being punished for having that abortion; I should have lost more weight or taken better care of my health; I shouldn't have assumed that I could have children when I wanted" or whatever negative thoughts you may be having.

People can get caught in negative thinking patterns that only make matters worse, says Yakov M. Epstein, a psychologist at Rutgers University and co-author of Getting Pregnant When You Thought You Couldn't: "Instead of berating yourself, look forward to how you and your partner are going to manage the situation."

When you start feeling like you "should have" or "could have," remind yourself that your fertility problem is not your fault. Even if you could have made different decisions in the past, they're behind you. Concentrate on your future.

Work as a team with your partner. You and your mate should help each other through this time (and definitely not blame each other for your difficulty getting pregnant).

This doesn't mean you need to feel the same thing at the same time — that's one of the most common pitfalls for couples facing fertility problems. It does mean paying attention to what your partner's going through. "If you're taking care of each other emotionally, you can unite to fight the problem," says Marosek.

Work together to find practical ways to share the burden. If you're undergoing treatment, he can take care of the insurance papers. Or if he needs injected therapy, you can administer the shots.

Educate yourself. Read as much as you can about fertility problems and ask questions of your doctor and other couples in your situation.

Staying educated is especially important when you're dealing with a fertility problem because the technologies behind the treatments are complicated and change quickly. "You've got to understand what's happening medically," says Epstein, "or you won't be able to make informed choices."

See our resource guide for a list of books, Web sites, and organizations that can help. Learn the basics by starting at the beginning of our Fertility Problems area.

Set limits on how long you're willing to try. Some couples decide from the get-go that they won't go to extreme measures to have a baby. Others spend years and thousands of dollars exhausting all of their treatment options.

No one can tell you when to stop trying to conceive — that's a decision you need to make with your partner and doctor — but you'll feel more in control of your life if you start thinking in advance about how far you're willing to go to get pregnant.

Start by discussing your medical odds of getting pregnant, which treatments you're notwilling to try, and your end goal. (For more help with this choice, read about making the decision to end fertility treatment.)

Decide how much you're willing to pay. With in vitro fertilization (IVF) averaging $12,400 a cycle, it's no wonder couples feel anxious about money, especially since women often need to go through multiple cycles before becoming pregnant.

To cope with the anxiety caused by the high costs of treatment, sit down and develop a financial plan. Start with your insurance: Find out exactly what it does and doesn't cover. If it covers some or all of your treatments, decide which one of you will monitor the paperwork and negotiate with the insurance company.

Then look at all your assets and determine how much you can spend and on which treatments. "You should always have a plan B," says Alice Domar, a psychologist and assistant professor of obstetrics, gynecology, and reproductive biology at Harvard University Medical School who specializes in helping couples with fertility problems. "Because nothing, especially with fertility treatments, is certain."

Get support from professionals and others with fertility problems. Society often fails to recognize the grief caused by infertility, so those denied parenthood tend to hide their sorrow, which only increases their feelings of shame and isolation.

"Finding other people who are going through the same thing can help you see that fertility problems are widespread and your disappointment is understandable," says Linda Klempner, a clinical psychologist and mental health consultant at Women's Health Counseling and Psychotherapy in Teaneck, New Jersey.

Share stories and advice about fertility Problems with others in the BabyCenter Community.

If you'd like to talk to a therapist, look for one who understands reproductive medicine. "Fertility problems are very complex, and if a therapist does not understand the medical issues, he or she won't be able to help," says Epstein. Look for a referral throughRESOLVE, the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, or the InterNational Council on Infertility Information.

Just say no to baby-focused activities. If certain gatherings or celebrations are too painful for you — if all your siblings had babies in the last two years, say, or you keep getting invited to baby showers — give yourself permission to decline the invitation or at least to have a good cry afterward.

To avoid hurt feelings, send a gift but choose children's books or an online gift certificate to save yourself a troubling trip to the toy store or baby boutique.

Balance optimism and realism. "You need to be optimistic to go through a procedure," says Epstein, "but if you're too hopeful — if your hope is unrealistic — you'll be setting yourself up for a huge fall." By keeping current on the technology and your diagnosis, you can get a good handle on what chance of success you have with each treatment.

The array of medical technologies available today leads many couples to keep trying month after month, year after year. But about a third of couples treated for fertility problems won't go on to have a biological child, and often they must make peace with that before they can move on with their lives. Staying realistic can help you make smart choices as you work your way through the emotional minefield of treatment.

Take care of yourself by pursuing other interests. Being treated for a fertility problem can feel like a full- or at least part-time job, so it's important to keep up with some of the activities or hobbies that bring you pleasure.

"It won't be easy," says Marosek, "especially if you're doing something like going in for a blood test every other day, but look for ways to take care of yourself." She recommends that people get a massage, have a manicure — anything that can give them relief from the focus on fertility treatment.

If your old activities are painful — maybe all your friends are parents now — look for new diversions. If hiking sounds appealing, do that. Or take a class — painting, dance, or something else that's always tempted you.

And remember, laughter is one of the best healers. See a funny movie, head out to a comedy club, and reread your favorite funny novel.