Phone Dump

I've finally hooked up my iphone and got some pictures off! Here are all the pictures from the last few posts I've been missing. A camera dump will be coming soon!!!

Our recent visit to NC State to see the Wolfpack shutout the Tarheels.

The yummy bruschetta chicken Mary Clare made for me when I was on best rest after the transfer. It was so good! I wish she would post the recipe!!! Thanks so much for doing this for me MC!

The following are some pictures from transfer day

Nervous Jay in the waiting room before we were called back for the transfer. He is so tired of having his picture taken he won't even look at me anymore! 

Feet ready for surgery!

Did your husband look this excited that day your possible baby was conceived? I certainly hope not!

Since I could have a real spray tan I had to use a little instagram action. Here I am in the waiting room waiting to be called back to become (hopefully) pregnant!

Panther vs. Vikings games. Great seats with great friends. Too bad they lost. 

With the family at Oktoberfest in Helen, GA enjoying a beautiful fall afternoon with fabulous beers!

The best pasta recipe ever with carmalized greenbeans and onions.

Signing Off

It's that time again. My official Dr.'s office pregnancy blood is coming up on Friday so I'm going to stop all baby talk until sometime in January. Please keep us in your prayers during this time.

Thanks!
Anni

I can hardly contain my excitement! I took another test this morning and it was positive! I'm pregnant! I am trying to be very cautious about this having only told my family. It is so surreal. I have been waiting to see those pink lines for a year and a half. I have found out that I am not pregnant 16 times. Everyone always said that when you are pregnant you will just know. You will be able to feel it. I'm here to say that I haven't "felt" anything. It has been completely normal. I feel like exact same as I do before I start my period. Crampy with a lovely breakout on my chin.

I am weary of being too excited but overjoyed at the same time that this could be a real pregnancy that would actually result in a real live baby.

Whirlwind of Emotions- We're Pregnant!!!

Again last night I had crazy dreams. I dreamt I had a positive pregnancy test and was telling EVERYONE including my kids at school! I woke up and realized I was only dreaming and continued with my early morning pregnancy test routine. It was again negative and I was sooo upset. I bleed a tiny bit too. I also noticed a ton of acne on my chin which usually appears before my period. I was in a really sad mood as I headed to work. Jay had to go to an early meeting and was unavailable. I called my parents on my drive to work and pretty much lost it. I had even skipped mascara this morning because I knew this would happen.

I spent the rest of the day on the verge of tears. I researched adoption, sperm donors, and new ivf clinics. I called the nurse early in the morning to report the additional bleeding and she called me back during my lunch to tell me that it could go either way. I was at a loss and completely devastated. I wondered if I would ever be a mom. It was terrible. Luckily I had a very busy cheerleading practice and it kept my mind away from my infertility.

I was talking to my mom on the way home from practice and discussing the days events and having a pity party for myself. I walked into our bathroom and (I know this is yuck) but noticed the pregnancy test i had thrown in the trash that morning. It had a faint pink pregnant line on it. I knew results didn't count hours after the test was taken but I decided to take a new one anyway. To my utter shock a faint pink line appeared again! Holy cow I may be pregnant. Jay ran to target to pick up more of the expensive tests (I had been using dollar store brand) and I took another one when he returned. OH MY GOD! That pink lined showed up again. I am pregnant. I am so excited but so cautious. I feel like I'm pregnant until I'm not. Here's to hoping it will stay pink! Luckily when I talked to the nurse today I asked her to move my Beta test up. On Friday I should know if I am really pregnant. Ahh this is crazy!

Close call

Last night I had three crazy dreams. In the first I had started bleeding uncontrollably and the Dr. told me I would never have children. In the second and third I had dreams about taking home pregnancy tests. One of the dreams was so weird. The home pregnancy test looked like a large game board and compared my pregnancy levels to those of Kate Middleton with a bar graph. Weird huh?!

The third dream I had was sooo realistic that I woke up in the best mood and almost woke Jay up to tell him I was pregnant. It took me a few minutes while laying there to realize it was only a dream. I headed into the bathroom to do my normal take a home pregnancy test every single day routine to unfortunately find out that I was/had been bleeding overnight. I called my doctor's office immediately and the Dr. on call told me to come in at my regularly scheduled time for my bloodwork.

As I was checking out from my appointment (which is for labs only meaning I don't see the doctor) I asked if my nurse had come in yet. She had and was able to talk to me about the bleeding. She explained that it could probably be from the crinone gel irritating my cervix. I sort of believed her but was ultimately sure this would be the end of this go round.  Around 11:30 she called to let me know that my bloodwork was awesome and low progesterone was definitely not the reason I was bleeding (like last time). Luckily, when I check at lunch time the bleeding had stopped and I am feeling much better about how this FET is progressing. If only I would be able to see those coveted two pink lines on the pregnancy test sometime soon!!!

Thanks so much for the continued thoughts and prayers!

Week 3

Here goes the baby posts! So right now we still don't know if we're pregnant but I started subscribing to babycenter and the bump to get my pregnancy updates. I'm thinking really positive thoughts. Here we go!

Pregnancy Highlights:
Today's Date: Friday, November 3rd

How Far Along: 3 Weeks

Size of baby: Baby is the size of a poppy seed

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Haven't gained

Maternity Clothes: No but I can't wait! 

Gender: No Clue!

Movement:  None yet! 

Sleep: I'm sleeping really well surprisingly!
Just had the embryos implanted two days ago and I've been on bedrest

What I miss: Wine. I've been substituting decaf peppermint tea though!

Cravings: none so far

Symptoms: A few cramps here and there, nothing really

Best Moment this week: Having our two embryos inserted and hanging out with Jen while on bedrest. It was so nice to have company!

Baby's now the size of a poppyseed! Your now-fertilized (yay!) egg is on a journey through a fallopian tube, dividing and re-dividing into identical cells

Catch up

So a lot has happened in the past few weeks.

1. Our IVF was unsuccessful. It was tough but we made it through. Here's the POST I wrote after we found out.

2. A few weeks later we had an appointment to figure out what went wrong.

3. Then we began our FET cycle.

4. We had a bit of a SCARE with our medications.

5. I was proud of myself that I waited until I would have been 11 weeks along to ANNOUNCE that our IVF was unsuccessful on the blog.

6. I BLOGGED throughout my FET procedure (while a little fuzzy from the drugs).

And here we are today. Today marks the first day of the dreaded wait. I'll be in bed the next two days taking it easy. In about two weeks I will be able to find out if the FET was successful. Things this time around have been very different from last time. I've been enjoying all the child-free opportunities that I can. Savoring wine, and nights out, and just being much more relaxed. I'm excited to see what happens, but still skeptical that this will work. I know I will be a mom at some point but just waiting for God to reveal to us how that is going to happen. Thank you for all the prayers and well wishes!

By the way- Now that I'm home in bed for 48 hours, I'm going to put up some pictures that I haven't put up for the last few blog posts!

Frozen Embryo Transfer live blog

10:45- nurse called to check on me to make sure I didn't have any spotting bleeding. I haven't so we get the go ahead to procedure with the transfer.

12:00- took valuim and chugged water as we drove to the clinic. Feeling very giggle-y.

12:21- Arrived upstais for lab work. Valium has kicked in and I feel wasted and relaxed at the same time. Waiting to be called back for blood work.I can hardly
Sit up straight. This should be fun.

12:32- checked in to the surgery center downstairs. Got outfitted
In cute hospital gown and booties. Hanging out in triage.

12:51- met with dr. Wing. Both embryos survived thawing!!! Yay! Lab is running behind so transfer won't take place until 1:15 or so. Just hanging out with jay in triage. Trying to persuade him to take some pictures. He reluctantly does. I'm super super hungry :)

1:36- the nurse came to get me and we walked into the surgical room. I met the embryologist
And received a picture of my two little embryos. I settled in and the doctor implanted my embryos. He said they looked great and had
Survived the thawing process extremely well :)

1:50- I was wheeled into recovery where I was able to take a 30 minute nap before the nurse came in to let me know I could go home :)

Additions: Here are some pictures from the day.

More later!

goes without saying

Dear Blog,
I'm sorry you've been neglected. I'll be back soon!

By the way. I'm not pregnant. But I hope to be on Wednesday!

Details later.

I live for WEEKENDS!!!

We had such a fun weekend! I didn't want it to end! On Friday night both my sisters and my parents came into town. Jay and I scrambled to clean the house and put up the fall decorations before everyone arrived. The weather was perfect and we were able to open the windows, light some fall candles, and blast the music as we prepared for our guests! Here are a few pictures of the house after some light fall decorating:


After much debate, we enjoyed Showmar's takeout for dinner. Since we don't have a kitchen table and our dining room table is always set for the season we did the usual family meal on TV trays. At some point in the future I've got to figure this seating thing out! Anyone else out there without an eat-in-kitchen? What do you do?

On Saturday, Jay headed up to Raleigh for the State game (Go PACK!!!) and I went out for brunch with my family. It has been so long since its just been the 5 of us. We had a great time catching up over IHOP omelets and pancakes. We did a quick run by Grower's Outlet to pick up mums and then I had to head over to the high school for the first of three football games my cheerleaders where cheering at on Saturday. If you are in need of mums or any flowers/plants/trees be sure to head to Grower's Outlet in Pineville. They have EVERYTHING and cheap cheap!!! All of my family headed home on Saturday evening and I was exhausted! My bestie MC was so kind and brought me our favorite Cracker Barrell takeout which we enjoyed in our pjs. Its so nice to have company around when Jay is out of town!

I had a super productive Sunday. Boomer and I woke up and planted all of the mums. I ran some errands and finished up my fall outdoor decorating. I was excited to see my husband Sunday evening and enjoyed cooking the yummy recipe that I posted earlier. Here's looking forward to another great weekend!!!


Also- My cheerleaders and I are walking in the Charlotte CROP hunger walk. The CROP walk takes place each Fall as a part of a nationwide endeavor to raise money to alleviate hunger and poverty in this country and overseas. 25% of all funds raised stay in Charlotte and are directed to the local agencies, Loaves & Fishes, Crisis Assistance Ministry and Second Harvest Food Bank of Metrolina. The remaining 75% goes to Church World Service to assist people around the world.

No donation is too small or too large.  $18 collected will provide lunch for ONE YEAR to a child in a developing country. Our school's goal of raising $6000 will enable a sand dam to be built in Kenya; bringing clean, safe water to an entire village of 1000 people! Please prayerfully considering donating to this great cause. To DONATE please click the following link 

Deliciousness

Jay and I have been trying a ton of new recipes lately. This one is sooo easy and delicious! Jay usually puts "sauce" on everything; worcestershire, ketchup, hot sauce, etc. because he thinks that everything I make is too plain. I tell him that he can't enjoy the natural taste of food. This recipe was approved without any sauce or other additions. We actually fought over who got to take the leftovers to work the next day! I made this in about 10 minutes and Jay was happy with how little mess there was. Without further ado, I present Pasta with Prosciutto and Orange.


Pasta with Prosciutto and Orange adapted from bon appetit 


Ingredients

Salt

12 oz. egg tagliatelle or fettuccine (I used fettuccine, fresh is best but we had dried on hand and it was great)

2 Tbsp. (1/4 stick) unsalted butter (I used salted)

2 oz. thinly sliced prosciutto, torn into 1" pieces (I used about 4oz)

Zest and juice of 1 orange

1/2 cup heavy whipping cream

Freshly ground black pepper

1/4 cup finely grated Parmesan

Directions

Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Season with salt; add pasta and cook, stirring occasionally, until 1 minute before al dente, about 2 minutes for fresh pasta, longer for dried (I cooked the dried for 5 minutes). Drain, reserving 1/4 cup pasta water.

Meanwhile, melt butter in a large heavy nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add prosciutto; sauté until browned, about 3 minutes.

Add reserved pasta water, orange juice, half of zest, and cream; bring to a boil. Add pasta; cook, stirring, until sauce coats pasta and pasta is al dente, about 1 minute. Season with salt and pepper. Stir in cheese and divide among warm bowls. Sprinkle remaining orange zest over pasta.

I wish i took some pictures of this yummy meal!

SCARY!

Last night we had quite a scare with my medications. The past two nights, Jay has had a hard time getting the needle to puncture my skin and the shots have hurt sooo badly. Last night hurt so bad our conversation went like this:
Me: Jay are you using the old vial or new vial of medicine?
Jay: I switched to the new vial because the old vial was going to expire.
Me: It doesn't expire until 2012 (thinking that maybe he didn't read the year and just the date)
Jay: Shows me the vial of the WRONG medication and points out that it expired on October 5th. (PS- The vial he showed me was the medicine that is REALLY thick and goes in my tush through a HUGE needle. It would make sense that the past two nights were difficult to inject because this medication is not supposed to be injected in my stomach)
Me: Totally freaks out because he has been injecting me with the wrong medicine for the past three days! I got very upset and told him this cycle wouldn't work because I've been taking the wrong medication.(insert long lecture on trust, paying attention, waste of money, etc.)

We then walked back to the bedroom and found the old vial of the medicine he should have been injecting me with on the nightstand. He had been using the correct medicine afterall, he just did not put in back in its normal place making it look like he'd used the wrong stuff. Holy Cow. Talk about freaking out. Although everything turned out fine, it was a good wakeup call for us. We both decided we need to be less cavalier about the whole process and pay more attention to what we should be doing :)

Grown Up

There are somethings in life that make you feel like an adult with a capital A. I recently did one of those things last night. I refinanced our mortgage all by myself. Not that it was that hard, it was just an important decision that Jay and I made together. Usually we ask my Dad for advice on everything. He has worked for banks since before I was alive and is very good at providing advice when it comes to money management. I had called him several times about refinancing and getting his opinion and when it was time to pull the trigger he wasn't around. Although it seems silly, this was the first time Jay and I have really made a huge decision without his "blessing" first. Of course after it was over and I did get a chance to speak with him, he completely agreed with our decision; but it felt good and I felt confident making this decision with just Jay and I.

I'm super excited about lowering our mortgage and being able to put more money away to save for the future. This will also help lighten the load if I decide to stay at home when we do have children.

On to other things, I am getting really excited about an upcoming homecoming tailgate we have planned with all my best college girlfriends. We all haven't seen each other in so long and now that MC and I have this tailgate thing down pat (tailgate) I'm excited to share with everyone and catch up on our lives.

FET Here we go!

So by the time I post this I will probably have just announced that I am not pregnant, sad but ready to move on! At this point I will also have had some of my frozen embryos implanted! That's the exciting part.

We started our first round of shots on Tuesday evening. My anxiety level is really low probably because I know what to expect. Tuesday's shot was super easy and painless. Last nights shot was miz. Jay stuck me once and then quickly again. Pain. He explained that the first shot wouldn't puncture my skin and so he quickly tried again. I gripped his arm and left some marks :o

The protocol for an FET should be much easier on me than the fresh cycle of IVF. I've been on BC pills since September and will be on them for a total of 21 days. These are to regulate my system and quiet everything down. I'll be on the lupron shots for several days (14-20). I will also start adding estrogen patches soon. Those should help me become quite the moody bitch :) as well as thicken my lining. 6 days before the transfer we will add those lovely progesterone shots in the tush. Our transfer is scheduled for November 2nd. That leaves me finding out if it worked the day before my birthday. I'm praying for a wonderful birthday present this year :)

So I think that's where we're at on the expanding our family section of our life. Things have definitely been stressful recently so if the FET doesn't work, we're going to take some time off to regroup and recoup our finances. As always, thanks for the continued support!

WTF

Today I had our "WTF" meeting with my doctor. I've been waiting on this appointment for so long. Originally, I was supposed to go in on October 17th (thanks to the lovely scheduling department) but after a quick phone call to my nurse yesterday, they told me to come in this morning.

Basically everything went really well. Our embryos were perfect, my levels were perfect, our Dr. was sort of perplexed until I started talking about the bleeding. Bingo. That is where the doctor thinks that things went wrong. I bleed too much too soon and the embryo didn't have enough lining to stick to. For this round, I will be coming in much more often to have my progesterone (the hormone that keeps you from bleeding) checked. I will also be on another type of progesterone supplement in addition to the lovely shot in the tush.

Please keep us in your prayers and pray that this one (or two!) decide to stick around :)

Welcome Fall

I am so excited that fall has arrived! We had a full, fun, fall weekend! Pics to accompany the post later!

Friday night we enjoyed meeting up with friends for dinner and heading out to see our neighbor's band play at Lucky Lou's. I've never been before and this isn't a place that I would normally frequent. We did have a fun night listening to live music.

On Saturday, we woke up early and headed to Raleigh to watch the Wolfpack. We had a yummy tailgate but missed seeing most of our friends. Hopefully we'll be able to catch up during homecoming weekend!

On Sunday, we planted our "fall" garden. I never knew you could plant in fall but we are going to try our hand at broccoli, onions, rosemary, and cabbage. I've also heard you can plant spinach (which I love), but couldn't find spinach starter plants anywhere. We also enjoyed watching the Panther's play and opening the windows and filling our house with fresh cool air.

My family is coming to visit this weekend and I'm planning to head into fall full swing. Mom and I are going shopping for mums, putting up all the fall and Halloween decorations and making a fall wreath for the front door. I'm also looking forward to all of us being together for the first time since May!

Also coming up is a 4 day weekend (Oct 28th-Nov 1st). We are looking at heading out of town but unsure where to go... Ideas include: Chicago, Monterey CA, Boston & Bar Harbor MA, Denver, or Gatlinburg TN. Any suggestions?

The Obligatory Target Post

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I wore these adorable little flats to school yesterday. I probably matched 100,000 other women that swarmed to target Tuesday to score some Missoni for Target merchandise. I got to Target around 2:30 and grabbed the last pair of flats they had, luckily in my size. I also picked up these

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I was really bummed that all of the clothing had sold out. I LOVE sweater dresses for the winter. They are perfect for work and I had my eyes set on a few from the Missoni for Target collection. Unfortunately, they are all gone everywhere and rumor has it they will not be returning. Thanks to all you selfish woman that bought up everything to sell on ebay. Oh well, I still found two cute Merona brand dresses. An army green shirt dress that will go perfectly into fall.

I promise it looks way better in person than on their website. I almost didn't put up this picture!

I also bought this cute Merona dress. Will be perfect for fall and winter with a black turtleneck and tights.

Bad News

I've been waiting a while to write this post. Yesterday afternoon, I learned that my blood test confirmed that I am not pregnant and that this round of IVF was unsuccessful.

I'll start from the beginning. On Friday afternoon I noticed a tiny bit of spotting and was elated! This tiny bit of spotting is known as implantation bleeding, meaning my little embryos had snuggled into my lining and implanted themselves. I was so excited and knew that a pregnancy test would give me a positive result in a few days. My mom came into town Friday night and we enjoyed a nice meal out. I was in such a great mood. On Saturday we ventured over to Shower Me With Love (an adorable baby boutique) to pick up a gift for a friends shower and do a little browsing for ourselves. I was even more excited that I thought I could be pregnant and start buying all the adorable baby things. On Sunday morning, I took a pregnancy test and it came back negative. I assumed I had tested too early and the HCG wasn't pumping through my body just yet. Sunday afternoon the spotting picked up. A lot. I cried. I knew something wasn't right. This wasn't implantation bleeding anymore...Monday morning, the spotting picked up even more and combined with another pregnancy test, I knew this pregnancy was not happening. (TMI ALERT) On Tuesday, I started my period. I cried all the way to school. I choked back tears during the day. I barely made it through cheer practice. I called the nurse Tuesday afternoon to let her know that I had started and to ask if we could move my blood pregnancy test up so that I could confirm what I already knew and quit taking those painful progesterone shots in the rear! They scheduled me for Wednesday morning.

Tuesday night, Jay and I enjoyed a glass of wine together while sitting on the porch watching the sunset. We talked about how sad we were, how upset we were. Jay was frustrated with God and asked why he continued to punish us. I thought about it for a minute and realized how upset his comment made me. I told him that we are not being punished. We are blessed. We have amazing lives. We are well cared for and loved. We have a great marriage, a beautiful home, and wonderful friends and families. This simply was not God's plan for us to get pregnant at this time. At that time I put my faith 100% with God and prayed that his plan was for us to one day be parents. And to grant us patience as we wait for that day to come. 

On Wednesday morning I was MUCH better. I headed into the drs office and one of the nurses that helped with my retrieval surgery was at the registration desk. She asked me if I was excited about today. I told her no, I already knew the results and that it didn't work. I then smiled, thanked her for asking and went upstairs for the lab work. During lab, I got my favorite tech and she again asked me how I was feeling about today's test. I let her know that it would be negative. I kept a smile the whole time, telling her that I looked forward to seeing her again in a few weeks to start the process over again. My regular nurse called me around 10 with the results. She left a message stating how surprised she was and that this was not the outcome they expected. I called her back and let her know I was totally fine and ready to move on. I think she thought I was nuts, I mean what lady doesn't cry when they tell her that her high-tech attempt at pregnancy did not work out. I told her I knew from Sunday on that this wouldn't work out and I was over the tears and ready to move forward with the next step. 

We were so fortunate and had such a great IVF cycle that we were able to freeze some of our leftover embryos.  In approximately 6 weeks we'll be transferring two or three frozen embryos back into my body. I start birth control pills to start slowing my ovaries down this evening and will resume the lovely Lupron (in the tummy) shots in a few weeks. Luckily, this procedure is much more affordable in comparison to the total IVF. I am so excited to move further on this journey to becoming a Mom. 

Thank God for Moms!

Thank God somehow my wonderful mother has all of my honeymoon pictures on her computer! Yay! I feel sooo much better. I'm still using the laptop I got my senior year of college and the memory is completely full. I accidentally deleted these pics because I have no room to put new ones on my computer (note the lack of facebook picture updates). I just told my parents that I REALLY wanted a new computer for my birthday. The question is, do I go mac or pc? Any suggestions from those of you out there? I've always been a PC girl but it might be time to make the switch :)

Anniversary!

Today is our 4th anniversary and it almost passed us by! This has been such a crazy busy week that we haven't put much thought into celebrating. We enjoyed a nice dinner out at one of my favorite restaurants, Cowfish and had coke icees for dessert! We kept it really low key and decided to forgo exchanging gifts this year. I did however decide at the last minute to buy us both a little something. I was pretty tired of being couped up today so I hit the Black & Blue store closing sale and got a hot pair of sevens for Jay. I bought a dress for me but didn't try it on and realized it was WAY too small when I got home. Allie- You're the new owner of a great new fall dress! Seeing how much weight I've gained, I decided I needed a new pair of jeans to get me through the fall and winter and found the perfect pair of petite Paige flare jeans at Nordstrom. Yay! So I guess denim is the 4th year anniversary gift of the Carrolls!

Dinner @ Cowfish

Yummy veggie lettuce wraps

My Husband :)

Speaking of, I cannot believe that it has been FOUR years since I married the guy of my dreams :) I know we've had our ups and downs and somewhat thrive off of bickering, there is no one else I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I love you soooo much Jay!

Every year, we've chosen to go on a trip to celebrate another year of being together. Here's a look back at all the fun things we've done. Hopefully next year, our lives will be calm (well as calm as they can be with a baby, and we'll be able to go somewhere fabulous again!)

Our Wedding 2007

Soufriere, St. Lucia 2007

Playa Mujeres, Mexico 2008

Puerto Vallarta, Mexico 2009

Amalfi, Italy 2010

Charlotte, USA 2011 :)

By the way... as I was looking through all of our pictures, I realized that somehow in the backup process, I've deleted ALL of our honeymoon pictures. So sad. My Dad is currently searching through all of their backups at home and hopefully someone on some computer has them! Thank God for Facebook though! At least I have them in some capacity!!!

And also- Our dogs decided to give us the greatest anniversary present that keeps on giving... Another round of fleas! Yay! Jay's currently in the guest bathroom trying to bath them for the second time this week. Looks like we'll be going on a little weekend getaway while our house gets flea bombed... so disgusting. 

Bye Bye Blog

So I've come to the decision to stop posting anything baby related on the blog for the next 10 weeks. Jay and I had talked about what we were going to do if we were indeed pregnant and how to keep that information to ourselves until we were ready to share with the world. As you all know right now, I have no clue if I will remain pregnant so its best to stop talking about it now :) If I am and stay pregnant, I'm currently at around 3 weeks (you start counting from your last period..fyi) and will let you all know how it turns out in 10 or so weeks.

In the meantime, I'll still post about our life but nothing about IVF, IF treatments, baby news, etc. I do want to record what is going to go on with us in the next 10 weeks baby wise so I will make some entries to post at a later time.

TTFN! (Did I really just bring that back from my AOL middle school days?)

Successful Transfer!

On Tuesday we successfully transferred two "perfect" (Dr's words not mine) embryos into my uterus. I was the coolest, most amazing thing I've ever seen.

I woke up early Tuesday and decided to bake some homemade brownies for the pre-op, surgery, and recovery staff as they were so kind to me during my retrieval. I took a long shower, got ready, and actually put on makeup (haven't done that in about a week!). Jay came home from work to pick me up and off we went to the transfer. As we were pulling out of the driveway at 12:00, I open the valuim I was supposed to take to make extra relaxed. We hit a bump and that little green pill made its way under my seat and below the carpet, right as the rain began pouring outside. Jay and I both took turns searching for the pill from all angles with no luck. I called the Dr. office and told them I would be ok without the pill. They said absolutely not and sent me to the nearest pharmacy to pick up another. I started to get a little nervous. I arrived at the pharmacy and told the cashier I needed this pill asap as I was on my way to the procedure. She coldly told me to sit out and wait my 15 minutes like everyone else! Come on! It was ONE pill. How long does that take to fill. I sat in my chair and anxiety and worry crept in. I felt like I was going to miss my appointment and I'd never get my chance :(

Exactly 15 minutes later they called me to collect my meds. I grabbed it and ran, opening the bottle as I tore of out the store. I popped the pill in the car and by the time we were 5 minutes from the office I was feeling very relaxed.

We dropped the brownies off with the nurses and everyone started enjoying them while I was changing into my hospital gown. Even my Dr. stopped by to tell me how wonderful they were. At least if we were late we brought goodies :) All the nurses and staff were sooo sweet to me!

They led me back to the procedure room where the embryologist showed me my very first baby picture. My two little clumps of cells! They also reported that they were able to freeze two of the other embryos for us to use in the future :) The Dr got me all hooked up and was ready to put my embies in and noticed that my bladder wasn't quite full enough to show the top of my uterus on the screen. Ugh. I had to get unhooked and wait about 5 minutes for it to finish filling up. Finally it did and we were ready to start. On one monitor to my left I could see the embryologist sucking up our two little embryos into the catheter. A few seconds later he was in the procedure room passing it off to the Dr. Dr. Wing inserted the catheter and I got to watch the embryos slide into my uterus via ultrasound on another monitor. After he was finished, the embryologist checked to make sure both embryos were out of the catheter and surely enough one was being stubborn and decided to stick. The nurses and staff joked that that embryo was the boy because he was the stubborn one and Dr. Wing said he disagreed and that was the girl :) The second embryo was successfully placed in my uterus and everyone cheered. It was such an amazing experience and I feel really fortunate to have been able to see this first hand.

I've been on bedrest for the past 24 hours. Jay has been amazing, cleaning our house, fixing me food, and hanging out with me while I watched the entire season of Kate Plus 8. We are both SOOO excited and cannot wait to see what God has in store for us. I pray all the time that this baby sticks but ultimately know that God already knows the answer, regardless of what I ask of him. Thanks for all the support I've received through my loving friends and family!

Photo's of the Day:

Heading to the Dr with my brownies

Lookin hot in my hair net and hospital gown

Our Embryos

Jay excited to see our potential children 

Headed for recovery!

Today is the Day!

In approximately 2 hours, I will be pregnant until proven otherwise. We are headed in at 12:30 to have the embryos (hopefully blastocysts) transferred back into my body. I don't know how many we have left or how many actually made it to the blastocyst stage. I am so excited to a peak at our microscopic embryos! 

The procedure should be done very quickly and I'll come home and rest for the next three days. My goal, if I am able to get pregnant (YAY) today will be to keep the pregnancy. I've heard from others that getting pregnant is the easy part, staying pregnant is the hard part. Please keep me and our family in your prayers!

My hips and behind have been SOOO sore. I feel like someone has punched me as hard as they can. I had been majorly DESPISING the progesterone shots that I've had to take in my butt/hip area for the past few days until yesterday when I came across this quote. "Transform anxiety into excitement; focus not on the fear of what lies ahead but the possibilities you might create."

I am excited.

Oversharing

This post is definitely TMI. I've debated even posting it but I would like to look back if I do in fact get pregnant and remember this journey.

As of yesterday, I hadn't gone to the restroom in 5 days, the night before my egg retrieval. The day prior I had talked to my IVF nurse and she said that I had to go before my embryo transfer and suggested that I try Metamucil and if that doesn't work, then go for the milk of magnesia. Well needless to say, none of those worked.  I was feeling like a whale for some time and had put on around 6lbs as of yesterday afternoon. Jay took me to go the see The Help and I almost walked out in the middle of it, I was in sooo much pain. On the way home from the movie we decided to go to urgent care because I looked like I was 6 months pregnant and walking waddling to the car.

The poor PA at urgent care did everything she could not to laugh. I mean it was a funny situation and I kept telling her this has never happened to me before and I just didn't know what to do! She told me to take some over the counter stuff and up the dosage as well as gave me a pill to help with the cramping.  I really felt like a trooper last night. I was chugging gatorade, freezing then sweating, and my whole body was shaking. On top of that I had to have another progesterone shot in my butt. I HATE shots. After an absolutely terrible night last night, I woke up this morning and felt MUCH better. The scale looked much better too :) I REALLY want this baby! And I guess I'm learning that as a mom you do anything for your child.

Still Alive!

The embryologist just called and all 14 of our embryos are still alive! I'm really in shock. We've been praying every night that God takes care of our little 8 celled creatures. She reported that three are starting to slow down in their growth but that still leaves us with 11 normally developing embryos. We are just so excited. Our transfer will be planned for Tuesday. I am just continuing to pray that they all continue to do well and that we have two blastocysts to transfer on Tuesday.

I've been feeling ok so far. Yesterday we met friends out for lunch and I was surprised how exhausting it was. I don't think I gave the egg retrieval enough credit : / We ran a few errands and then headed home so that I could get back in bed. We enjoyed a lazy day followed by a Wolfpack win! So glad we invested in a S-video cord to watch the ESPN360 games on the internet. Can't wait until we head up to Raleigh in two weeks to watch the game live!

Overall, I've just been tired and sore. I'm ready to start healing so that I can begin walking and exercising. Jay has been a great help, running to get me things to eat, taking care of the dogs and laundry, and overall being very supportive. I'm headed in to school today to create my lesson plans for the next week. I'm taking Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday off... LOTS of planning to do!

Hope you're having a fabulous labor day weekend!

Good News!

I had a pretty good night last night. Went to bed around 8 with the help of a vicodin for the pain and woke up around 3 to use the restroom and again at 7 for the same reason. I lost 4 lbs overnight so I feel like my risk for OHSS is going down as I am not retaining fluid.

The nurse called to check on me this morning and was relived that I was feeling good. She handed the phone to the embryologist who let us know that out of the 25 eggs retrieved, 18 were mature and 14 fertilized! So currently we've got 14 embryos chillin in petri dishes :) They are pretty sure that some of the embies will make it to blast stage and that our transfer will be on Tuesday. I'm looking forward to getting the report on Sunday to let us know how they are doing. 

Here are two graphics for you non-experienced IVFers (meaning pretty much everyone I know!)

Overall, I'm a bit bored laying in bed and not looking forward to three more days of bed rest next week. All my family is headed up to my uncle's lake house in Michigan to celebrate my Grandpa's 75th birthday. I'm sad to be missing out on a fun weekend but know that being here is for the best :) I think Jay and I may go see a movie tonight to help pass time. Calls, emails, and texts have all been greatly appreciated! 

Quick Update!

Surgery went well this morning. They retrieved 25 eggs! The average at my clinic is 10-12 so this was awesome! Tomorrow the nurse will call to let us know how many were mature and how many fertilized. My husband informed me that I was in pain when I woke upso they gave me some pain meds in my IV. I have no recollection of this but evidently when they told me how many eggs I had I started to cry and repeated the number over and over again and told everyone how excited I was. I'm a bit embarrassed but still very excited!

The nurses and anesthesiologist were so nice and friendly. I want to bring them cookies tomorrow and thank them for being so sweet while I was so loopy! Ha! Please keep praying that the eggs are mature and that they fertilize and that my little embryos are strong enough to survive until Tuesday, the date of our scheduled embryo transfer!

Retrieval is Scheduled!!!

YAY! I'm so excited! I've been keeping quiet this week praying that everything would go as soothly as possible. Except for being really tired and a few emotional outbursts, my IVF experience has been wonderful. After starting the stims on Monday, 8/22 I went to the office on Thursday 8/25 for bloodwork and my levels looked great so my medications were reduced. I returned on Sunday 8/28 for my first ultrasound/egg count. The weekend Dr. counted 10 eggs and said there were probably more. He guessed I would be great for retrieval on Thursday. I met with my regular doctor this morning for another ultrasound and he counted 29 eggs! I was soo excited. Granted, a lot probably won't be mature but regardless, I'm praying we've got a good shot! He said that I have responded very nicely and am right on target with all my levels. He wanted to check my bloodwork and would call me to let me know if the retrieval was going to be on Thursday or Friday.

I just got the call and my retrieval is scheduled for Thursday morning at 8:30! I am so just excited and so thankful that this process has been great so far. Although I will be devastated if I am not pregnant after this is over, I know that I am totally capable of doing this again :) 

I'll have the retrieval surgery on Thursday morning and spend Thursday, Friday, and Saturday in bed recovering. Anyone want to lend me their netflix subscription or some DVDs? Hopefully some of the eggs will fertilize and become embryos and then on to blastocysts. If we are so lucky, our transfer will be on Tuesday 9/6. If they don't make it to blastocyst stage, our transfer will be on Sunday 9/4. Either way I'll be on another 3 days of bedrest. Stop by if you're in town!

My whole family (minus my dear hubby) is headed to Michigan for the weekend and I'm a little nervous for the retrieval. I've only been put under once in my life and had a really bad reaction once I was home and alert after that surgery. Please keep us in your prayers this week! I would greatly appreciate it!

Here we go!

So last Friday was pretty much a disaster. The only thing I found comfort in was my husband and Olive Garden pasta (of course). Saturday was much better as I got a surprise visit from mother nature (how corny does that sound...) right before we were leaving for Atlanta. Luckily, I was still able to go out of town and enjoy the weekend with my family. We enjoyed a yummy dinner out at J. Alexander's on Saturday night and on Sunday, we had a great time tubing down the Cartecay River in Ellijay, GA. The river was very shallow at some points and we had some issues with getting stuck. I'm a bit bruised from falling off my tube while going down a small rapid but overall it was tons of fun.

I went in to see the doctor yesterday morning for bloodwork and around 4pm my IVF nurse called me back to let me know that I could begin taking my stimulant drugs. I was so excited to get this off and running! I took a million notes about all of the combinations of drugs I was supposed to take. We started with 225u of a egg-growing drug called Gonal-F, 10u of low dose HCG, and 5u of the Lupron that I've been taking. On top of this, Jay and I are each on a course of antibiotics to prevent any type of infection. I have to take two shots every morning and two every evening. I need to take a minute to say what a wonderful husband I have when it comes to IVF. He got up earlier than me this morning to take the meds out of the fridge to warm up so that they didn't hurt as bad. He also has been great at filling all the shots. It can get really confusing as each shot is done differently. I get to "enjoy" the process as much as possible by laying in my bed relaxing as Jay preps everything. I'm really excited and hopeful to begin the process! I have an ultrasound scheduled for Thursday to see if any follicles have developed! Yay!!!

Terrible

Today has been awful. I woke up late and hurried to get ready for my appointment with the RE. I was supposed to get the go ahead to start taking the ovary stimulating medications today. The office visit was normal, blood work and ultrasound. During the ultrasound my doctor seemed concerned that I hadn't started  my period yet. He didn't say a whole lot but to wait for the blood work to come in. I left with a really terrible feeling that things were not going as planned. Add that to some cheerleading drama that was going on and you have one extremely sad and stressed girl.

I tried to stay positive today but felt like crying every other minute. I thought a movie might help and met my sister to see Glee 3D. During the movie the nurse called and told me that my uterine lining was too think to to proceed and that I can't move ahead until my period starts. If it doesn't start by Tuesday, I need to go in for more blood work. I was so frustrated! I just want to get this thing going. So many people around me are pregnant and seem to get that way just by looking at their partner. I am still very happy and excited for them but also very jealous. Why can't it be me.

I was also really bummed because we were supposed to leave for Atlanta tomorrow morning. Bo was going with us and my Aunt was flying in. We had just made plans today to go river tubing. Probably one of the last times that I could go and float down a river while having a beer and have no other worries. Doctor's orders have me staying in town all weekend in case I start my period. I am so upset about missing family fun time. I just wanted to have a fun weekend away from all the stress I'm feeling with starting work, coaching 100 girls, suing a car dealership, and worrying about IVF. I am supposed to be de-stressing and I feel like the stress just keeps piling on. I know this is a whine-y post but I am just so bummed.

I was supposed to talk with one of my assistant coaches today about the drama going on with cheer but couldn't bring myself to do it, as I'm bursting into tears every other minutes. I text her to let her know that I couldn't chat today because of upsetting news at the doctor and she reminded me to give it to God. That's what I am now trying to do. It's HARD! But I'm working on it!

On another note, since starting back at school I've had a lot of people ask me if I'm pregnant yet. I tried to answer the question by drinking a few glasses of wine at the faculty party but some people didn't get the message. I've heard the response, "don't worry, it'll happen" more times than I can count. Here is a bit of advice to anyone dealing with an infertile friend, DON'T SAY THAT! You have no idea if it will happen or not, your words don't help me; they just annoy me. Just say, "I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. I'll keep you in my prayers and if you ever want to talk, I'll be here to listen". That's it. You don't have to say a lot. Just show your support. It means so much to me.

Boring Titles

I just cannot seem to come up with creative titles. All of them start out like "Here we go again" or "It's been a long time blog". So we'll just leave this one boring.

I started back to school yesterday and its been fun seeing all my coworkers again. I think that summer is a good break to get away from those people that have annoyed you for the last ten months enough so that you are actually happy to see them again and gear up for another year together. Most people like to start fresh for New Years but I've always preferred the beginning of school. I've been lucky to have summers off and fresh starts for as long as I can remember. One thing that I really want to work on this year is preaching my faith through actions.

Preach the Gospel Always: When Necessary, Use Words

We've been practicing cheerleading at St. Gabriel's this summer and this quote painted on the wall of the gym stood out to me. At our faculty meetings yesterday, our principal included it in his goals for the year. Some attribute the quote to St. Francis, but it doesn't really matter to me who said it. It is just a good reminder to show what being a Christian looks like. One of the things I hate the most about religion are people who don't practice what they preach.

Other happenings this week include the payment of IVF. I actually shook when I handed the financial advisor my plethora of credit cards. It wasn't about the cost, but the finality of what we are doing. There is no turning back now, no more "lets keep trying naturally", we are doing this! I'm excited and scared at the same time. We start with the heavy drugs tomorrow. We have about a 50% chance this will work. While I am hopeful I also don't want to get my hopes up. Please keep us in your prayers!

No turning back

So I've been really good with this IVF stuff if I do say so myself. I finished all my birth control pills on August 11th and was amazed that 24 days had gone by. I felt like I waited forever to start them and then it felt like I was going to be on them forever. We started the lupron injections just over a week ago. Things were great the first day, I couldn't feel the shot, and I thought it was going to be cake. I actually had to set my alarm on my phone to remind me to get Jay to do the injection. The second day Jay prepared the injection and decided to wipe the needle with alcohol. Big mistake, major burning and tears and anxiety on my part (remember, I am not a fan of shots). The third day I filled the syringe with the vial of medicine and got an air bubble in it. It burned again and I cried, again. After that Jay decided to be in charge of shots. He does a great job! We've learned that the alcohol wipe must completely dry on my stomach in order for the shot not to burn.

We have a great little routine where I go relax in bed and he prepares the shot and brings it back to the bedroom for me. I lay on my back and cover my face with a pillow and he gives me the shot. I know I sound like an absolute wuss but the thought of the needle going in my skin makes me want to pass out. Our system has been working out really well. Even though I normally don't feel the shot, I still have little bruises all over my stomach (glad I invested in tankinis this summer!). I was surprised that I bruised from the shot because I never bruise!

I have been feeling great about this entire process. I didn't know what people were complaining about and why it was so hard. And then it hit me. Friday night it came on like a ton of bricks. I hadn't really noticed any side effects prior to Friday with the exception of being really cold (like socks, sweatpants, and hoodie + snuggie). Friday night I felt extreme tiredness. I have been sleeping a ton! Like asleep by 9, exhausted rolling out of bed at 8am because I have to and taking naps throughout the day. I've also started feeling a bit emotional and have been really missing my mom lately.  I'm really thankful that Jay is so supportive both in dealing with my emotions and being my nurse. I have talked to several other IVFers and none of their husbands were really involved. I am lucky to have him :)

This has been a pretty boring post. I don't have a lot to say beside documenting some things I want to remember. Highlights of normal life this week include starting teacher workdays, my cheerleading squad's first performance and football game this Saturday, a visit from my mom and sister tomorrow, a possible viewing of The Help, and two church dinners with folks I haven't seen in awhile.

We're still in limbo with the Tahoe and hope to settle that soon. We did purchase another Tahoe and I love it!  A huge tree fell in our backyard on Thursday and Jay has spent the weekend clearing the yard. I've had cheerleading camp everyday for the past week and have been eating out like crazy. Looking forward to Tuesday's farmers market and getting back in the kitchen to cook. More regular non-IVF posts to come! Thanks to those of you that are still reading! :)