Well Hello There Blog

Recently I've stepped back and tried to take a break. The school year was hectically coming to a close. I was waiting on our last ditch effort to create a child on our own. My parents had officially moved  to Atlanta. I sort of avoided this blog. I started living a little and doing what I said I would do prior to starting IVF. I went out to eat with friends, went to a few concerts, visited the beach, made two trips to my parents house (one to hang out and one to see my aunt who was in town), and enjoyed my first week off of work.

To be honest, I didn't enjoy it all that much! I hate structure but I need it. I woke up at 9:00am today and really haven't gotten off the couch since. If I don't have things to do, I'll do nothing, as I've done today. So I need to start working on this summer routine thing. First of all, I NEED to start running. I miss the clear-head and skinny body that running gives me. That will be my first priority. Second, I need to start cooking. I haven't been in the kitchen in sooo long! I got a taste last night preparing food for the pops in the park concert and I realize how much I have missed it. I want to read books, paint several pieces of furniture that I've put off, list a few things for sale on craigslist. Organize the garage (dun dun dun). I've decided to create my "summer list". Things I want to accomplish this summer. I thought about writing the list in the post but decided to create a separate page so I can easily make additions and cross things off that I've accomplished!

On another note, I figure I may as well do an infertility update. I didn't get pregnant this cycle which gave me a feeling that Jay's test results were not going to come back as high as we wanted them. I was totally prepared for IVF to start today (my cycle day 3, which is when I usually start the meds). The doctor called us yesterday on our way home from the beach to tell us the results. She told me that we would need to proceed with IVF and I should call tomorrow (today) to schedule our IVF consultation. Um what? IVF consultation? Haven't we been talking about this for a few months? Can't we get started right away? Um no. All patients pretty much take a month off and have their consultation before anything can begin.

I was devastated. I cried and cried. Why was I crying? I knew this was going to be the case. I have weird feelings about things and I've pretty much known since January that we would have to do this. But it hit me hard. Really hard. Mainly the idea that we will never be able to have children on our own. It sucks and I was not prepared. I cried the entire 4 hours home from the beach. Poor Jay. He's not a talker when it comes to that kind of thing. Doesn't show a lot of emotion. Just kept telling me it would be ok. It didn't help. Nothing helped (well maybe the fettuccine alfredo we had for lunch from olive garden...jk). I took some deep breathes. We fought for a little bit. About how Jay doesn't show emotion, about how he can just say "ok so we're doing IVF, lets do it" without any reservation or feeling. I'm jealous.

By the time we got back to Charlotte and finished lunch I was doing really well. We had plans to attend pops in the park and I was able to keep myself busy and distracted. I prayed and prayed last night that the first round of IVF will work. I really don't know what I'll do if it doesn't. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I called to schedule my consultation this morning and the receptionist told me we couldn't get in to be seen for the consultation until July 21st. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I already have to wait this cycle out and possibly another. I can't image wasting three or more cycles! I was already bummed that we wouldn't get through our first cycle this summer. We had really wanted to do it this summer so that I was out of work and stress free. It looks like now I'll be doing it right at the beginning of a new school year. Talk about stress! I almost started crying to the receptionist. I think she could hear my voice crack and told me to hang on a minute. 10 minutes later when she returned to the phone she told me they could fit us in on June 30th. Thank you God! I am happy to wait 10 days instead of 40!

On June 30th we'll have an hour consultation with the doctor, an hour meeting with the nurse, and then a two hour meeting with the financial counselor. Please pray for us that day! IVF consists of a several days of birth control pills (to get control of my cycle), followed by several days of Lupron injections (to make sure that I am not growing any eggs on my own), next is several days of injections intended to stimulate my ovaries to create several follicles/eggs. Once the eggs have grown, I'll be giving another shot to release them and then I'll go in for the egg retrieval. This is an outpatient surgery where the doctor will go in and collect my eggs from my ovaries. The doctor will then inject a single sperm into each of my eggs and allow them to grow in the laboratory for 3-5 days. After the growth period, we will select how many eggs we would like to transfer back to my uterus. Another 12 days later we'll learn if the IVF was a success and if we are pregnant. At our clinic, 52% of people undergoing IVF get pregnant. 45% of people undergoing IVF actually have a child meaning the pregnancy did not end in miscarriage. Since this blog is read by pretty much only my friends and sisters, I want to ask you something. I've been really strong in the past few months. Haven't cried, have tried not to talk about babies 24/7, have tried to really enjoy my life pre-baby. Please bear with me over these next two months. Please be there if I need to talk. Please don't get annoyed if this is all I'm talking about. Please be there. I haven't realized how much this really would affect me until that nurse called with the news. I think more than anything I'm terrified that this won't work and that we won't be able to have children. Please keep us in your prayers. Thank you all so much!