Transfer Day

Today was transfer day! Our 5th time. Jay joked that we should be minority owners in our clinic by now. We had a pretty calm morning (as calm as it gets with 3 4& under). My sweet mom came by to watch our kids and Jay and I had a little morning breakfast date before heading over to the clinical. Everything was pretty routine and easy. We were so relieved that embryo #18 survived the thaw and looked great! 

We got all situated in the operating room and watched our little girl in her Petri dish through the TV. She was covered by air bubbles and took the embryologist a few attempts to remove them so we could get a better look. Within minutes Jay and I watched the embryo get sucked up into the catheter and make its way into the OR. On another monitors we were able to watch my uterus via ultrasound. You could see the catheter inside and all of a sudden that tiny little embryo shot out of the catheter like a firecracker. If transfer is any indication of personality, we're in for it :) Both Jay and I remarked that we'd never had an embryo transfer so quickly and with such spunk! 

I laid in recovery for 30 minutes and then we were off. I spent the remainder of the day in bed. I got intermittent hugs and cuddles from my babies making sure to take it easy and kept them from jumping on me. My mom kept them for the day and made sure they were busy and entertained! Our sweet friend brought an amazing dinner and helped keep my day stress free! 

I've been feeling crampy on and off and I'm praying that our little firecracker is settling in nicely! I had a freak out around 2am when I realized I had fallen asleep without my PIO shot. Jay quickly took care of that and easily fell back asleep. I have a bit of insomnia so I decided to write a bit to remember this!

SUYL- Infertility

It has been a while since I've linked up to talk about this topic. Infertility was such a huge part of our lives and even after 2 (almost 3) kids I still think about it all of the time. We have been through clomid, IUI's, Failed IVF fresh transfers, and IVF frozen transfers (all of our posts are tagged with keywords). We now have a set of 20 month old twins and a baby boy on the way due in April. I consider us so fortunate that we have this family. It wasn't easy getting to where we are today. I am still baffled when people tell me how *lucky* I am to have had boy/girl twins and how I need a hobby because we got pregnant with our third so close to the twins (he was a very planned frozen transfer btw!).  If people only knew what went into bringing these children into our lives. I also know what it is like to have a IVF transfer fail. And I still feel a bit of sting when I think about our sweet baby boy that was transferred with another frozen embryo that didn't make it. My mind is always thinking about that last little frozen embryo we have sitting at the fertility clinic just waiting for us. I still feel a pang of envy for moms that have "surprise" pregnancies. That get to announce their pregnancy to their husband in a cute way instead of waiting on pins and needles for a beta test result number.

Infertility was devastating. I can still feel that pain of seeing a negative pregnancy test and thinking that I would never ever have a child. Infertility was pretty much the whole reason I got into this blogging world. I googled everything and found so much comfort in reading other's stories. I feel like God allowed us to suffer and grow through infertility in order to help others. Since going through the whole process myself, I've had several friends that have had to deal with this diagnosis. I don't want this to come out wrong because I would NEVER wish infertility on anyone but I am so thankful that I can help those who are navigating the tricky waters of infertility treatments. I am soooo happy for these mamas that have all come out on the other side. I am happy to be a sounding board, a person to text to talk about best ways to give a shot, to go through those the scary first beta test, and to pray that those numbers keep rising. Please email me (jayandanni at gmail dot com)  if you have any questions about our journey or what its like to go through this process. I am so happy to help anyone that needs it. I made a very conscious decision to share this part of our life on my blog in hopes that someone who reads it would find it helpful.

Week 28

It's been a fun week around our house! After a stressful and busy Saturday, our nursery is almost complete and we're in love with it! Also very thankful for everyone that helped make it beautiful! 

My ultrasound last week was everything I could have hoped for and so relieved to see that the babies are doing so well. 

Is is safe to say that things are calming down around here?

I'll wait to make that statement until I take my three hour glucose (gestational diabetes) test. Yes, unfortunately I failed my 1 hour test at the doctor's office this morning. Not by much but still a fail. I'm more upset than I thought I would be about it. After reading more about it, I don't want to do ANYTHING that puts my babies' health in jeopardy. Gestational diabetes is complicated to explain. I've gotten some information here. It also seems like I'll need to start working out more. I can't really imagine this as uncomfortable as I am. Maybe I should try swimming laps...

Pregnancy Highlights:

Today's Date: Wednesday, April 25th, 2012

How Far Along: 28 weeks

Size of babies: A rutabaga. The babies are 13.6-14.8 inches long and weigh between 1.5 to 2.5 pounds (still in the same ranges as last week). 

Total Weight Gain/Loss: 17 pounds. I am actually down three pounds from last week. My eating pretty much stayed the same so I'm thinking it is just me adjusting to pregnancy. At the doctor today Emma Cate's heart beat was 145 and Holden's was 133. He must have been sleeping :)

Maternity Clothes: Yes, and even some of the tops are getting short. They did my belly measurement at the doctor today and I'm measuring at 35 weeks. 

Gender: Girl- Emma Cate and Boy- Holden.

Movement: There has been some crazy belly dancing going on in there. They also respond pretty well to rap music. I think they like the bass like their mama.

Sleep: Sleep was much better this week! I can still make it through the night (we'll 5:30am) without a potty break!

What I miss: tying my shoes without help

Cravings: None really this week. I figured that I would fail my glucose test so I started stocking up on healthy protein filled items. I had greek yogurt for the first time in forever and realized how much I missed it! Almonds have also been a yummy snack.

Symptoms: Braxton hicks and lots of trucker burps. I also learned today that I failed my 1 hour glucose test by 2 points! They want you to be at 135 and I was at 137 and 135 the two times they ran it. I'll be heading into the doctor next Wednesday for the three hour test. Until then I'm sticking to a protein and veggie filled diet. Buhbye carbs, fruits, smoothies, and sweets :(    

Best Moment this week: Seeing the nursery complete!

The other day while finishing up the nursery, I noticed my reflection in the mirror. Figured I'd take a pic of my bump busting out of my shirt.

27 weeks 4 days

27 weeks 5 days

sneak peak of our pics from the maternity session on Saturday

Your baby's the size of a rutabaga!

Putting on layers of fat, your baby now weighs in around 1.5 to 2.5 pounds and measures about 13.6 to 14.8 inches.

Whirlwind of Emotions- We're Pregnant!!!

Again last night I had crazy dreams. I dreamt I had a positive pregnancy test and was telling EVERYONE including my kids at school! I woke up and realized I was only dreaming and continued with my early morning pregnancy test routine. It was again negative and I was sooo upset. I bleed a tiny bit too. I also noticed a ton of acne on my chin which usually appears before my period. I was in a really sad mood as I headed to work. Jay had to go to an early meeting and was unavailable. I called my parents on my drive to work and pretty much lost it. I had even skipped mascara this morning because I knew this would happen.

I spent the rest of the day on the verge of tears. I researched adoption, sperm donors, and new ivf clinics. I called the nurse early in the morning to report the additional bleeding and she called me back during my lunch to tell me that it could go either way. I was at a loss and completely devastated. I wondered if I would ever be a mom. It was terrible. Luckily I had a very busy cheerleading practice and it kept my mind away from my infertility.

I was talking to my mom on the way home from practice and discussing the days events and having a pity party for myself. I walked into our bathroom and (I know this is yuck) but noticed the pregnancy test i had thrown in the trash that morning. It had a faint pink pregnant line on it. I knew results didn't count hours after the test was taken but I decided to take a new one anyway. To my utter shock a faint pink line appeared again! Holy cow I may be pregnant. Jay ran to target to pick up more of the expensive tests (I had been using dollar store brand) and I took another one when he returned. OH MY GOD! That pink lined showed up again. I am pregnant. I am so excited but so cautious. I feel like I'm pregnant until I'm not. Here's to hoping it will stay pink! Luckily when I talked to the nurse today I asked her to move my Beta test up. On Friday I should know if I am really pregnant. Ahh this is crazy!

SCARY!

Last night we had quite a scare with my medications. The past two nights, Jay has had a hard time getting the needle to puncture my skin and the shots have hurt sooo badly. Last night hurt so bad our conversation went like this:
Me: Jay are you using the old vial or new vial of medicine?
Jay: I switched to the new vial because the old vial was going to expire.
Me: It doesn't expire until 2012 (thinking that maybe he didn't read the year and just the date)
Jay: Shows me the vial of the WRONG medication and points out that it expired on October 5th. (PS- The vial he showed me was the medicine that is REALLY thick and goes in my tush through a HUGE needle. It would make sense that the past two nights were difficult to inject because this medication is not supposed to be injected in my stomach)
Me: Totally freaks out because he has been injecting me with the wrong medicine for the past three days! I got very upset and told him this cycle wouldn't work because I've been taking the wrong medication.(insert long lecture on trust, paying attention, waste of money, etc.)

We then walked back to the bedroom and found the old vial of the medicine he should have been injecting me with on the nightstand. He had been using the correct medicine afterall, he just did not put in back in its normal place making it look like he'd used the wrong stuff. Holy Cow. Talk about freaking out. Although everything turned out fine, it was a good wakeup call for us. We both decided we need to be less cavalier about the whole process and pay more attention to what we should be doing :)

FET Here we go!

So by the time I post this I will probably have just announced that I am not pregnant, sad but ready to move on! At this point I will also have had some of my frozen embryos implanted! That's the exciting part.

We started our first round of shots on Tuesday evening. My anxiety level is really low probably because I know what to expect. Tuesday's shot was super easy and painless. Last nights shot was miz. Jay stuck me once and then quickly again. Pain. He explained that the first shot wouldn't puncture my skin and so he quickly tried again. I gripped his arm and left some marks :o

The protocol for an FET should be much easier on me than the fresh cycle of IVF. I've been on BC pills since September and will be on them for a total of 21 days. These are to regulate my system and quiet everything down. I'll be on the lupron shots for several days (14-20). I will also start adding estrogen patches soon. Those should help me become quite the moody bitch :) as well as thicken my lining. 6 days before the transfer we will add those lovely progesterone shots in the tush. Our transfer is scheduled for November 2nd. That leaves me finding out if it worked the day before my birthday. I'm praying for a wonderful birthday present this year :)

So I think that's where we're at on the expanding our family section of our life. Things have definitely been stressful recently so if the FET doesn't work, we're going to take some time off to regroup and recoup our finances. As always, thanks for the continued support!

Bad News

I've been waiting a while to write this post. Yesterday afternoon, I learned that my blood test confirmed that I am not pregnant and that this round of IVF was unsuccessful.

I'll start from the beginning. On Friday afternoon I noticed a tiny bit of spotting and was elated! This tiny bit of spotting is known as implantation bleeding, meaning my little embryos had snuggled into my lining and implanted themselves. I was so excited and knew that a pregnancy test would give me a positive result in a few days. My mom came into town Friday night and we enjoyed a nice meal out. I was in such a great mood. On Saturday we ventured over to Shower Me With Love (an adorable baby boutique) to pick up a gift for a friends shower and do a little browsing for ourselves. I was even more excited that I thought I could be pregnant and start buying all the adorable baby things. On Sunday morning, I took a pregnancy test and it came back negative. I assumed I had tested too early and the HCG wasn't pumping through my body just yet. Sunday afternoon the spotting picked up. A lot. I cried. I knew something wasn't right. This wasn't implantation bleeding anymore...Monday morning, the spotting picked up even more and combined with another pregnancy test, I knew this pregnancy was not happening. (TMI ALERT) On Tuesday, I started my period. I cried all the way to school. I choked back tears during the day. I barely made it through cheer practice. I called the nurse Tuesday afternoon to let her know that I had started and to ask if we could move my blood pregnancy test up so that I could confirm what I already knew and quit taking those painful progesterone shots in the rear! They scheduled me for Wednesday morning.

Tuesday night, Jay and I enjoyed a glass of wine together while sitting on the porch watching the sunset. We talked about how sad we were, how upset we were. Jay was frustrated with God and asked why he continued to punish us. I thought about it for a minute and realized how upset his comment made me. I told him that we are not being punished. We are blessed. We have amazing lives. We are well cared for and loved. We have a great marriage, a beautiful home, and wonderful friends and families. This simply was not God's plan for us to get pregnant at this time. At that time I put my faith 100% with God and prayed that his plan was for us to one day be parents. And to grant us patience as we wait for that day to come. 

On Wednesday morning I was MUCH better. I headed into the drs office and one of the nurses that helped with my retrieval surgery was at the registration desk. She asked me if I was excited about today. I told her no, I already knew the results and that it didn't work. I then smiled, thanked her for asking and went upstairs for the lab work. During lab, I got my favorite tech and she again asked me how I was feeling about today's test. I let her know that it would be negative. I kept a smile the whole time, telling her that I looked forward to seeing her again in a few weeks to start the process over again. My regular nurse called me around 10 with the results. She left a message stating how surprised she was and that this was not the outcome they expected. I called her back and let her know I was totally fine and ready to move on. I think she thought I was nuts, I mean what lady doesn't cry when they tell her that her high-tech attempt at pregnancy did not work out. I told her I knew from Sunday on that this wouldn't work out and I was over the tears and ready to move forward with the next step. 

We were so fortunate and had such a great IVF cycle that we were able to freeze some of our leftover embryos.  In approximately 6 weeks we'll be transferring two or three frozen embryos back into my body. I start birth control pills to start slowing my ovaries down this evening and will resume the lovely Lupron (in the tummy) shots in a few weeks. Luckily, this procedure is much more affordable in comparison to the total IVF. I am so excited to move further on this journey to becoming a Mom. 

Here we go!

So last Friday was pretty much a disaster. The only thing I found comfort in was my husband and Olive Garden pasta (of course). Saturday was much better as I got a surprise visit from mother nature (how corny does that sound...) right before we were leaving for Atlanta. Luckily, I was still able to go out of town and enjoy the weekend with my family. We enjoyed a yummy dinner out at J. Alexander's on Saturday night and on Sunday, we had a great time tubing down the Cartecay River in Ellijay, GA. The river was very shallow at some points and we had some issues with getting stuck. I'm a bit bruised from falling off my tube while going down a small rapid but overall it was tons of fun.

I went in to see the doctor yesterday morning for bloodwork and around 4pm my IVF nurse called me back to let me know that I could begin taking my stimulant drugs. I was so excited to get this off and running! I took a million notes about all of the combinations of drugs I was supposed to take. We started with 225u of a egg-growing drug called Gonal-F, 10u of low dose HCG, and 5u of the Lupron that I've been taking. On top of this, Jay and I are each on a course of antibiotics to prevent any type of infection. I have to take two shots every morning and two every evening. I need to take a minute to say what a wonderful husband I have when it comes to IVF. He got up earlier than me this morning to take the meds out of the fridge to warm up so that they didn't hurt as bad. He also has been great at filling all the shots. It can get really confusing as each shot is done differently. I get to "enjoy" the process as much as possible by laying in my bed relaxing as Jay preps everything. I'm really excited and hopeful to begin the process! I have an ultrasound scheduled for Thursday to see if any follicles have developed! Yay!!!