Terrible

Today has been awful. I woke up late and hurried to get ready for my appointment with the RE. I was supposed to get the go ahead to start taking the ovary stimulating medications today. The office visit was normal, blood work and ultrasound. During the ultrasound my doctor seemed concerned that I hadn't started  my period yet. He didn't say a whole lot but to wait for the blood work to come in. I left with a really terrible feeling that things were not going as planned. Add that to some cheerleading drama that was going on and you have one extremely sad and stressed girl.

I tried to stay positive today but felt like crying every other minute. I thought a movie might help and met my sister to see Glee 3D. During the movie the nurse called and told me that my uterine lining was too think to to proceed and that I can't move ahead until my period starts. If it doesn't start by Tuesday, I need to go in for more blood work. I was so frustrated! I just want to get this thing going. So many people around me are pregnant and seem to get that way just by looking at their partner. I am still very happy and excited for them but also very jealous. Why can't it be me.

I was also really bummed because we were supposed to leave for Atlanta tomorrow morning. Bo was going with us and my Aunt was flying in. We had just made plans today to go river tubing. Probably one of the last times that I could go and float down a river while having a beer and have no other worries. Doctor's orders have me staying in town all weekend in case I start my period. I am so upset about missing family fun time. I just wanted to have a fun weekend away from all the stress I'm feeling with starting work, coaching 100 girls, suing a car dealership, and worrying about IVF. I am supposed to be de-stressing and I feel like the stress just keeps piling on. I know this is a whine-y post but I am just so bummed.

I was supposed to talk with one of my assistant coaches today about the drama going on with cheer but couldn't bring myself to do it, as I'm bursting into tears every other minutes. I text her to let her know that I couldn't chat today because of upsetting news at the doctor and she reminded me to give it to God. That's what I am now trying to do. It's HARD! But I'm working on it!

On another note, since starting back at school I've had a lot of people ask me if I'm pregnant yet. I tried to answer the question by drinking a few glasses of wine at the faculty party but some people didn't get the message. I've heard the response, "don't worry, it'll happen" more times than I can count. Here is a bit of advice to anyone dealing with an infertile friend, DON'T SAY THAT! You have no idea if it will happen or not, your words don't help me; they just annoy me. Just say, "I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. I'll keep you in my prayers and if you ever want to talk, I'll be here to listen". That's it. You don't have to say a lot. Just show your support. It means so much to me.