Flexibility

Im not going to lie. I have been in a major funk lately. After bringing the twins home, I felt great. We brought them home on Sunday and by Wednesday,I was ready to be onmy own with them, ready to be in a routine, ready to start our family. I was on my own that Thursday and it was great! On Friday, my mother in law came to visit and planned to stay until the following Thursday. She came to visit with the best of intentions to help me out but at this point I was ready to exert my independence and be on my own with my babies. I think we both had very different expectations and it made this visit tough for both of us. She left on Thursday morning and my family arrived in town on Friday. On Saturday we headed out of town to visit my husband's grandfather. We arrived home to a small party to celebrate my sister's birthday.

While all of these visits were fun, they also made it tough for me to get settled in my new role of mom to two! My family left on Sunday and the very next day, I spiked a 103 degree fever and was diagnosed with mastitis and told that I needed to bring in some help and get lots of rest. By Friday my mom left and I was alone with the babies for the first time in at least 2 weeks. By Saturday, my fever spiked again and I've been in the hospital since. Jays parents came in on Saturday night and stayed until my mom arrived on Sunday to take care of the babies.

Now, I'm hopefully being released tomorrow both my mom and Jay will be leaving (my mom has to go back to Atlanta for a house showing and Jay has to go out of town for work). I am getting the independence I've wanted and I'm terrified. I feel like it has been forever since I've cared for them all on my own. I cried this evening when Jay and my mom left the hospital. I know being independent with my babies is something I have to do but it makes me scared to jump right in. Don't get me wrong, I am very confident in my abilities, it's just going to be so different than it has been.

The hardest part of parenting for me so far is the lack of continuity. Just when I feel like I have it all together I get thrown a curve ball. As I'm typing this I can see veteran mamas laughing aloud and saying that's how the rest of my life is going to be and I'm acknowledging that with a smile on my face. Maybe I just came to my own solution through writing this post. Nothing with children will be predictable. I'll be diving in head first, unsure, all the time. I won't always be able to ease in. The routine that I love will change several times, especially with newborn babies. My newest lesson learned in parenting? Flexibility. That's what I'm going to work on this week. I can't predict the future but I can adapt to whatever comes my way and I can do it with a smile and without resistance. I know that God is there with me through everything and I am a firm believer in the cliche that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Time for me to step up.

Happy Monday!