mommy melt down

I don't know what it is about 15 months. Some days my babies are absolute joys. Others I can't wait for bed time. This past week has been rough. Holden had a fever on Monday and I had to take both kids to the doctor by myself. Once we got there I realized that the stroller was in Jay's car. I had a blast corralling two kids in the sick waiting room while wearing a shirt dress and boots that I had worn to school that day. I felt terrible when we got home and was running a fever. My mom and sis thankfully came over to help bath the kids and get them ready for bed.

Tuesday Jay stayed home with the Holden and took EC to preschool and handled pick up. Tuesday was a little crazy. It was my mom's last day of chemo (which we surprised her at her appointment with flowers), I picked my aunt up from the airport, and we went out to eat at a Japanese restaurant. Emma Cate was on her WORST behavior at the restaurant. I don't know what has gotten into her recently but meal times out are a bear. I took her into a different area where she proceeded to get sick after crying and coughing. I had cheer that night so Jay was in charge of putting the kids to sleep. Let me say that he does such a great job helping and I couldn't do it without him.

Wednesday I took the morning off to take the kids to school. We had a rough start. Both kids have just been feeling kind of blah and no one has been happy or cheerful. I spoke with their teacher at school and she let me know we needed to work on Holden's table manners. He screams and screeches when he wants something and doesn't use his words. He also throws food and his entire lunch box when he is done. Enter mom anxiety. It made me upset to hear this but it was all things that I already knew. I just chalked it up to having a 15 month old and that this was normal behavior.

Wednesday afternoon was crazy. I picked the kids up from my moms at 4:30, ran home to grab new outfits to wear to church for dinner (they play in the water table at school and always come home in some crazy mix of the outfit I sent them in plus an item in their extra clothes bag... navy and white striped rugby polo mixed with light blue and white striped cotton play shorts anyone?). I met Jay at church but we were running late so he wasn't able to eat with us. He got the kids set up with sandwiches in their high chairs and took off for class. My mom was meeting us there and was on her way. The kids were awful. They flung their pbj everywhere. Like would pick up a piece of sandwich and chuck it. I tried giving them all sorts of different types of food and they both threw everything. We seriously looked like a hot mess. I took Emma Cate out to run off some energy and when we came back in to get my mom and Holden she SCREAMED because she did not want to be held and thrashed around in my arms before getting sick all over the carpeted floor. I was dripping sweat and dying of embarrassment. I was totally that lady that you think, damn she needs to get her shit together. Our minister stood guard around the puke while we hurried out of there. *Note- everyone at church was super nice and kept asking if they could help.

I proceeded to burst into tears upon leaving the church. Watching my kids horrible table manners combined with what their preschool teacher said just put me over the edge. There are some nights where a good cry is imperative. This week has just been rough. I have not felt good, the kids haven't felt good. We've soldiered on to continue with our normal week when really we should have probably gotten into our jammies early and ordered pizza every night. I pride myself in having my ish together. I am organized, I plan ahead, I schedule everything. I pack a mean diaper bag and always have the necessities. My kids are normally well behaved and I am in control. Sure sometimes they run off at the playground and you'll see me scaling a climbing wall, but most of the time I have it together. Wednesday threw me. I hate giving off the impression that I am disorganized and disheveled. Everyone always comments how hard it must be to have twins and I always reply that its really pretty easy. And I'm being honest. I love it. Normally it is easy. I don't want anyone's pity. I think that's what stung the worst about Wednesday night.

This morning was a real gem.. Holden woke up at 6am and Jay and I took turns watching him while we got ready. We were both running late. Emma Cate wasn't even awake at 7:10 (normally she is finishing breakfast by this point). My mom and I hurried to get everyone ready. I gave both kids their morning meds (antibiotics from Monday) and Emma Cate threw up again! After a quick bath and change of clothes we were all headed off (late) to school.

I WISH we could stay in town this weekend and just catch up. Anyone else feel like you're running full speed ahead and just need a weekend at home to slow down and catch up? Our house is dusty (anyone know of a good housekeeper? I think we've finally decided to hire one!), my kids summer clothes are still hanging in their closest, and we just need a general get organized session. But we're headed out of town to a wedding and I'm hoping and praying for healthy kids and a better week ahead.

*I don't want this to seem like I'm whining but I want to be real that some weeks are amazing and others are just not. Here's to moving past the crappy weeks and celebrating the fabulous ones!