Retrieval is Scheduled!!!

YAY! I'm so excited! I've been keeping quiet this week praying that everything would go as soothly as possible. Except for being really tired and a few emotional outbursts, my IVF experience has been wonderful. After starting the stims on Monday, 8/22 I went to the office on Thursday 8/25 for bloodwork and my levels looked great so my medications were reduced. I returned on Sunday 8/28 for my first ultrasound/egg count. The weekend Dr. counted 10 eggs and said there were probably more. He guessed I would be great for retrieval on Thursday. I met with my regular doctor this morning for another ultrasound and he counted 29 eggs! I was soo excited. Granted, a lot probably won't be mature but regardless, I'm praying we've got a good shot! He said that I have responded very nicely and am right on target with all my levels. He wanted to check my bloodwork and would call me to let me know if the retrieval was going to be on Thursday or Friday.

I just got the call and my retrieval is scheduled for Thursday morning at 8:30! I am so just excited and so thankful that this process has been great so far. Although I will be devastated if I am not pregnant after this is over, I know that I am totally capable of doing this again :) 

I'll have the retrieval surgery on Thursday morning and spend Thursday, Friday, and Saturday in bed recovering. Anyone want to lend me their netflix subscription or some DVDs? Hopefully some of the eggs will fertilize and become embryos and then on to blastocysts. If we are so lucky, our transfer will be on Tuesday 9/6. If they don't make it to blastocyst stage, our transfer will be on Sunday 9/4. Either way I'll be on another 3 days of bedrest. Stop by if you're in town!

My whole family (minus my dear hubby) is headed to Michigan for the weekend and I'm a little nervous for the retrieval. I've only been put under once in my life and had a really bad reaction once I was home and alert after that surgery. Please keep us in your prayers this week! I would greatly appreciate it!

Here we go!

So last Friday was pretty much a disaster. The only thing I found comfort in was my husband and Olive Garden pasta (of course). Saturday was much better as I got a surprise visit from mother nature (how corny does that sound...) right before we were leaving for Atlanta. Luckily, I was still able to go out of town and enjoy the weekend with my family. We enjoyed a yummy dinner out at J. Alexander's on Saturday night and on Sunday, we had a great time tubing down the Cartecay River in Ellijay, GA. The river was very shallow at some points and we had some issues with getting stuck. I'm a bit bruised from falling off my tube while going down a small rapid but overall it was tons of fun.

I went in to see the doctor yesterday morning for bloodwork and around 4pm my IVF nurse called me back to let me know that I could begin taking my stimulant drugs. I was so excited to get this off and running! I took a million notes about all of the combinations of drugs I was supposed to take. We started with 225u of a egg-growing drug called Gonal-F, 10u of low dose HCG, and 5u of the Lupron that I've been taking. On top of this, Jay and I are each on a course of antibiotics to prevent any type of infection. I have to take two shots every morning and two every evening. I need to take a minute to say what a wonderful husband I have when it comes to IVF. He got up earlier than me this morning to take the meds out of the fridge to warm up so that they didn't hurt as bad. He also has been great at filling all the shots. It can get really confusing as each shot is done differently. I get to "enjoy" the process as much as possible by laying in my bed relaxing as Jay preps everything. I'm really excited and hopeful to begin the process! I have an ultrasound scheduled for Thursday to see if any follicles have developed! Yay!!!

Terrible

Today has been awful. I woke up late and hurried to get ready for my appointment with the RE. I was supposed to get the go ahead to start taking the ovary stimulating medications today. The office visit was normal, blood work and ultrasound. During the ultrasound my doctor seemed concerned that I hadn't started  my period yet. He didn't say a whole lot but to wait for the blood work to come in. I left with a really terrible feeling that things were not going as planned. Add that to some cheerleading drama that was going on and you have one extremely sad and stressed girl.

I tried to stay positive today but felt like crying every other minute. I thought a movie might help and met my sister to see Glee 3D. During the movie the nurse called and told me that my uterine lining was too think to to proceed and that I can't move ahead until my period starts. If it doesn't start by Tuesday, I need to go in for more blood work. I was so frustrated! I just want to get this thing going. So many people around me are pregnant and seem to get that way just by looking at their partner. I am still very happy and excited for them but also very jealous. Why can't it be me.

I was also really bummed because we were supposed to leave for Atlanta tomorrow morning. Bo was going with us and my Aunt was flying in. We had just made plans today to go river tubing. Probably one of the last times that I could go and float down a river while having a beer and have no other worries. Doctor's orders have me staying in town all weekend in case I start my period. I am so upset about missing family fun time. I just wanted to have a fun weekend away from all the stress I'm feeling with starting work, coaching 100 girls, suing a car dealership, and worrying about IVF. I am supposed to be de-stressing and I feel like the stress just keeps piling on. I know this is a whine-y post but I am just so bummed.

I was supposed to talk with one of my assistant coaches today about the drama going on with cheer but couldn't bring myself to do it, as I'm bursting into tears every other minutes. I text her to let her know that I couldn't chat today because of upsetting news at the doctor and she reminded me to give it to God. That's what I am now trying to do. It's HARD! But I'm working on it!

On another note, since starting back at school I've had a lot of people ask me if I'm pregnant yet. I tried to answer the question by drinking a few glasses of wine at the faculty party but some people didn't get the message. I've heard the response, "don't worry, it'll happen" more times than I can count. Here is a bit of advice to anyone dealing with an infertile friend, DON'T SAY THAT! You have no idea if it will happen or not, your words don't help me; they just annoy me. Just say, "I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. I'll keep you in my prayers and if you ever want to talk, I'll be here to listen". That's it. You don't have to say a lot. Just show your support. It means so much to me.

Boring Titles

I just cannot seem to come up with creative titles. All of them start out like "Here we go again" or "It's been a long time blog". So we'll just leave this one boring.

I started back to school yesterday and its been fun seeing all my coworkers again. I think that summer is a good break to get away from those people that have annoyed you for the last ten months enough so that you are actually happy to see them again and gear up for another year together. Most people like to start fresh for New Years but I've always preferred the beginning of school. I've been lucky to have summers off and fresh starts for as long as I can remember. One thing that I really want to work on this year is preaching my faith through actions.

Preach the Gospel Always: When Necessary, Use Words

We've been practicing cheerleading at St. Gabriel's this summer and this quote painted on the wall of the gym stood out to me. At our faculty meetings yesterday, our principal included it in his goals for the year. Some attribute the quote to St. Francis, but it doesn't really matter to me who said it. It is just a good reminder to show what being a Christian looks like. One of the things I hate the most about religion are people who don't practice what they preach.

Other happenings this week include the payment of IVF. I actually shook when I handed the financial advisor my plethora of credit cards. It wasn't about the cost, but the finality of what we are doing. There is no turning back now, no more "lets keep trying naturally", we are doing this! I'm excited and scared at the same time. We start with the heavy drugs tomorrow. We have about a 50% chance this will work. While I am hopeful I also don't want to get my hopes up. Please keep us in your prayers!

No turning back

So I've been really good with this IVF stuff if I do say so myself. I finished all my birth control pills on August 11th and was amazed that 24 days had gone by. I felt like I waited forever to start them and then it felt like I was going to be on them forever. We started the lupron injections just over a week ago. Things were great the first day, I couldn't feel the shot, and I thought it was going to be cake. I actually had to set my alarm on my phone to remind me to get Jay to do the injection. The second day Jay prepared the injection and decided to wipe the needle with alcohol. Big mistake, major burning and tears and anxiety on my part (remember, I am not a fan of shots). The third day I filled the syringe with the vial of medicine and got an air bubble in it. It burned again and I cried, again. After that Jay decided to be in charge of shots. He does a great job! We've learned that the alcohol wipe must completely dry on my stomach in order for the shot not to burn.

We have a great little routine where I go relax in bed and he prepares the shot and brings it back to the bedroom for me. I lay on my back and cover my face with a pillow and he gives me the shot. I know I sound like an absolute wuss but the thought of the needle going in my skin makes me want to pass out. Our system has been working out really well. Even though I normally don't feel the shot, I still have little bruises all over my stomach (glad I invested in tankinis this summer!). I was surprised that I bruised from the shot because I never bruise!

I have been feeling great about this entire process. I didn't know what people were complaining about and why it was so hard. And then it hit me. Friday night it came on like a ton of bricks. I hadn't really noticed any side effects prior to Friday with the exception of being really cold (like socks, sweatpants, and hoodie + snuggie). Friday night I felt extreme tiredness. I have been sleeping a ton! Like asleep by 9, exhausted rolling out of bed at 8am because I have to and taking naps throughout the day. I've also started feeling a bit emotional and have been really missing my mom lately.  I'm really thankful that Jay is so supportive both in dealing with my emotions and being my nurse. I have talked to several other IVFers and none of their husbands were really involved. I am lucky to have him :)

This has been a pretty boring post. I don't have a lot to say beside documenting some things I want to remember. Highlights of normal life this week include starting teacher workdays, my cheerleading squad's first performance and football game this Saturday, a visit from my mom and sister tomorrow, a possible viewing of The Help, and two church dinners with folks I haven't seen in awhile.

We're still in limbo with the Tahoe and hope to settle that soon. We did purchase another Tahoe and I love it!  A huge tree fell in our backyard on Thursday and Jay has spent the weekend clearing the yard. I've had cheerleading camp everyday for the past week and have been eating out like crazy. Looking forward to Tuesday's farmers market and getting back in the kitchen to cook. More regular non-IVF posts to come! Thanks to those of you that are still reading! :)

Neglect

I know, I know. It's been awhile. It is really hard in the summer to sit in front of the computer when there are so many other things I'd rather or have to be doing. Let's play a little catch up! I'll give you the major events from good to bad!

IVF
Started taking the BC pills on 7/17. I went in yesterday for my trial transfer. I was nervous at first because everytime I've had a catheter in my uterus, I've had really bad cramping and anxiety. I didn't think Jay was coming and was surprised to see him sitting in the waiting room when I arrived. I'm really lucky to have such a supportive husband who wants to be a part of this process.

The trial transfer is when they "practice" putting the embryo back inside my body. Luckily the procedure went well and they were able to do it without any problems and it was short. During the real transfer they only have about a minute to get that embie in there and they want as little trauma as possible. They also did a sonohysterogram where they injected dye into my uterus to check for an polyps or blockages. I got the all clear and was pretty happy with how smoothly everything went.

I also received all my goodies by mail this morning. Holy cow it is a lot of drugs!

I was really pleased to find out how much my insurance covered! We were told to plan for 3,000-5,000 and our total was just under $2,000. I feel really blessed that even though our insurance doesn't cover IVF, it does cover a lot of the medicine! BTW- I don't usually like to talk about money or how much things cost. I'm not bragging by any means just being real and honest with the procedure. These are all things I wish I would have know from the beginning and I feel it is important to share as part of my experience. 

We also got a HUGE blessing from my parents this week. They recently made some extra cash selling one of their cars (My mom likes her new cars so they buy/sell cars pretty often and have NEVER made a dime. This is a first!) and told us they want to pay for the majority of the IVF procedure. Jay and I are sooooooo thankful! This is huge news and if we were to get pregnant, helps us start our baby's life without debt! 

We got the go ahead to proceed with IVF from our doctor and are nervously awaiting the injection part of the process. On August 6th we'll start with once daily Lupron injections. On August 19th we'll go to the doctor and hopefully get the ok to start on the stimulation injections. Our tentative date for the egg retrieval is August 31st. Our tentative date for a 5-day transfer is Monday September 5th or labor day! And we should know if we have a little on by September 19th. I'm still thinking about how I am going to blog this. I don't really want to announce our pregnancy at 4 weeks but I'm sure I'll say if it didn't work. Maybe I just won't talk about it at all and make some draft posts to publish once we get past the first trimester. We'll see! 

The Car

So we decided in June it was time to buy a family car. We really needed something to tow our boat too. We found a great deal on a used Tahoe in Columbia, SC. We drove down to take a look and bought it the next day. We were really pleased with our deal. The car was certified pre-owned so it had very extensive 1 year warranty. We thought we were in the clear! Upon driving it around Charlotte the next week, I noticed some of the electronics weren't working correctly and promptly took it in to a local Chevy dealership. The service manager explained that someone had took out the DVD/Navigation system that originally came in the car and replaced it with the standard radio. Big problems. Luckily it was under warranty and we were going to get a new navigation system and backup camera out of the deal. Sweet! Little did I know. (BTW- if it wasn't under warranty we would have been out a very pretty penny to replace the system ourselves! So beware when buying a newer used car that the electrical system is originally and intact!)

After two weeks in the shop, we were getting a little fussy and wanted our car back. We called the service manager and he explained that the  dealership in Columbia decided they didn't want to pay for the work to be done as we had originally discussed. A quick phone call to Columbia and they swore they'd pay asap. A few minutes later, the president of the dealership in Columbia called and said they wanted to come get the car and take it back to their shop to do the work to save on labor costs. Umm don't think so. Jay and I wrote up a contract that IF we were to give them permission to take the car and work on it, they would need to provide us with a rental car, pay our monthly payments as we'd only been able to drive the car for one week, and warranty the new parts for 3 years. Jay faxed the contract to the dealership early Wednesday morning. By 4 he hadn't heard anything back and called the president to figure what was going on. The president informed him that the car was in too bad of shape and they didn't want to fix it. Wait? How did you know what shape the car was in? Oh yea, because they drove to Charlotte and put our car on a flatbed and took it to Columbia. Isn't that stealing?! So now we've hired and attorney and are trying to settle with this group that they buy the car back from us and take care of our expenses. It has been a crazy experience!!! I feel like these things happen to our family all the time. Jay and I can't wait until this is all resolved and we don't have to deal with these people anymore. Once we finish with the litigation, I'll be sure to warn you about this dealership!

Meanwhile, we're looking for a new car and may be headed up to DC this weekend to pick one out! Here's hoping that transaction runs smoothly!!!

Fleas
Sophie, our "foster" wheaten terrier went to her breeder's house to get bred (I don't know if that is grammatically correct!). She returned home Saturday under the watchful eye of my family who was in town for a wedding. Jay and I were in Pinehurst for a different wedding and didn't get home until late Sunday evening. On Monday, Jay headed out of town for work and I spent the day unpacking and cleaning the house.  Monday night while cuddling with Sophie on the couch, I noticed some dark spots in her golden wheat colored fur. OMG upon further investigation I noticed they were moving. Disgusting. I threw Sophie in the tub and doused her in flea and tick shampoo that we luckily had on hand when Boomer got a flea as a puppy. Meanwhile I was cursing my beloved husband for being out of town at this critical time. As a kid, it seemed like everything bad always happened when my Dad was out of town. I guess the bad luck is in my genes! I promptly removed all bedding including our down comforter and 6 down pillows and bagged everything up in garbage bags to stop the spread of fleas. I slept with an old sheet and blanket with no pillow that evening :)

Things seem to be under control. I haven't found any live fleas on the dead ones so looks like the meds I picked up at the vet have been working. The vacuum has been running like crazy and all our bedding stuff is still locked up in a "flea free zone" until I know for sure that they are all dead and gone. The dogs are still pretty itchy and I'm going to take them in this afternoon to see what else I can do. Any of you ever experienced a flea circus in your house? How long did it take to get rid of them? Any ideas or suggestions?

I know this was a super long post but now you're all caught up with the craziness that is our life! Hoping you're having a relaxing, peaceful summer!

By The Way

We met with our RE on June 30th and started the IVF process. I figured it would start pretty quickly but no, like everything else you deal with in infertility, you have to wait. I'm EAGERLY waiting for my period to begin (isn't that a change!) so that I begin taking 24 days of birth control pills. Fun stuff. The think that is how long it will take to really suppress all of my hormones. I'll start taking Lupron injections after that for more suppression for about 8-12 days and then tentatively on August 20th I'll get to start the good stuff. The Stimulants! Stims are drugs that stimulate your ovaries into growing several eggs for IVF. I'll be taking those injections for 10-12 days right up until its time for ER (aka Egg Retrieval) which is very tentatively scheduled for September 1st. Hopefully 5 to 6 days after the egg retrieval, they'll transfer back two good embryos that in two weeks time with become a positive pregnancy test!!! All the timeline is very tentative. It could happen before, could happen later, could not happen at all. I run the risk of hyper ovarian stimulation syndrome which is when ovaries become dangerously large and overstimulated. This happens to a good amount of PCOS patients. Please say a prayer that I'm one of the lucky ones that won't get OHSS. That's all for now. Posts later with pictures of everything we've been up to!

Remember

This is something I came across that I want to remember. Not anything really for the blog. Something that makes me feel better about our choice.

"What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?

"I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

"No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down.

"Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

"While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know."

Beach Bums

Two weeks ago our

Summertime!

I'm finally getting into a summertime routine! I love being at home and am truly enjoying a clean organized house. I've made a few summer "resolutions" and have been sticking to them! I have never been one to make the bed but I've done it everyday this summer. I'm cooking every night and our laundry is completely caught up. I even washed the duvet and shams in my sisters room and ironed them! I've enjoyed working out and spending time with friends. I haven't made it to the pool yet but that's my goal for tomorrow. Jay's been coming home for lunch and I've enjoyed cooking for him and eating with him. Our carpets and couches got a good steam cleaning yesterday. The people at Charlotte Carpet Cleaning did a fabulous job and were in and out in no time. I like using local businesses and highly recommend them. I've been teaching vacation bible school and am getting used to my new age group the rising kindergarteners. All my sweet kindergarteners from last year are now grown up first graders and boy what a difference kindergarten makes!!! My dogs have been going for some long neighborhood walks and we're working on Sophie's social behavior... Overall I've really been trying to relax and enjoy summer. It always goes by too quickly!

Summer Goal: clean and organize linen closet. Check!

We enjoyed our first and possibly last lake day of the summer this past Saturday. After picking up our boat from the shop (for regular yearly maintance) we headed out to Lake Wylie and enjoyed the day floating at the Sandbar and working on our wakeboarding skills. During out wakeboarding session we noticed smoke coming from the engine. Turns out something cracked (not due to wakeboarding) and needs to be fixed. Not only is the problem costly to fix, most marinas have a huge wait for boat work during this time. We're hoping to drop the boat of Thursday and who knows when we'll get it back :(


This past Sunday instead of heading out on the boat Mary Clare, Kathryn, and I randomly headed to the NC Music Factory for frozen drinks at Wet Willie's. We had a great time sampling all 18 flavors. I went for a mudslide and found it delicious! This is probably not a spot I'd head to at night but was perfect for catching up with friends and cooling off during the day.

all 18 of our samples

Jay and I and our favorite lesbian couple Mary Clare and Kathryn (JUST kidding! Inside joke!) have been enjoying great music, yummy wine, and delicious picnic dinners at Pops in the Park on Sunday nights. If you haven't been I suggest you go this Sunday for the last concert of the season. They play patriotic music and have an awesome fireworks display. Be sure to go at 4 to drop your blanket and chairs off. The grass fills up fast!

first pops of the season

my well planned picnic. see below for potato salad recipe!

Kathryn

Me & MC

Can't remember why we're excited?

Please excuse the sweaty hairdo! It was toasty out there!

What's Cooking Lately:

Mary Clare requested my potato salad recipe which is not really mine, I need to give credit to Lauren for that one! Thanks Lauren. I've made it several times and it's actually only 2 weight watchers points per serving. Here you go:

Ingredients
1 large russet potato, peeled and quartered
1 large sweet potato, peeled and quartered
1 cup corn
1 teaspoon prepared Dijon-style mustard
2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
3 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
1 clove garlic, minced
3 tablespoons canola oil
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 cucumber, halved lengthwise and chopped
1/2 red onion, thinly sliced
1/4 cup finely chopped peanuts


Directions
Place the Russet potato pieces into a large saucepan, and cover with salted water.

Bring to a boil, turn the heat down, and simmer for 10 minutes. 

Add the sweet potato, and cook about 15 minutes more. 

Remove a piece of each potato, and cut it in half to see if it is cooked enough. 

Once the potatoes are tender, add corn kernels; cook another 30 seconds. 

Drain through a colander. 

Fill the saucepan with cold water, and drop vegetables into water.

Cool for 5 minutes, and drain.

In a large bowl, whisk together mustard, lime juice, cilantro, and garlic. 

Slowly whisk in oil. 

Mix in salt and black pepper.

Cut cooled potatoes into 1 inch cubes, and add to dressing along with cucumber, and red onion.

Toss well. 

Serve at room temperature or chilled. 

Toss the peanuts in just before serving.

I've been trying to incorporate all kinds of veggies into our everyday meals. I went to the Matthews farmers market last Wednesday and was disappointed in the selection until I realized that all food is grown within 100 miles of Charlotte so um duh there aren't going to be any bananas there! Ha!

I bought some gobbetti pasta at Earthfare the other day and needed to find a recipe to use it in. I though this recipe was delicious and light for a nutritious summer meal. I added diced up chicken breast tenderloins for a little protein. I just tossed them in about three minutes before the pasta was done cooking.


Ingredients:

8 oz. dry gobbetti pasta (2 cups) [or pasta of your choice]
4 small zucchini, julienned (4 cups)
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 cup low-fat ricotta
1/2 cup torn fresh basil

3 chicken breast tenderloins cut into small pieces (I love Trader Joe's Frozen Tenderlions. They thaw quickly!)

1. Cook pasta in large pot of boiling salted water according to package directions; add chicken to pasta 3 minutes before end of cooking time; add zucchini to pasta water 1 minute before end of cooking time.

2. Meanwhile, whisk together garlic and ricotta in large bowl. Drain zucchini and pasta, and add to ricotta mixture. Stir in basil, and season with salt and pepper, if desired.

4 zucchinis julienned 

3 chicken breast tenderloins cut into small pieces

ricotta cheese, garlic, salt and pepper

fresh basil

mix it up with the noodles

and serve!

I was craving a sandwich from Bedder Bedder & More today and rather than spending $7 on a sandwich I bought the ingredients to make it myself. It was so good and filling I could only eat half. I had way too many vegetables to all fit on the bread so I ate some on the side and plan to use some tonight for kabobs. The whole sandwich was 9 points (5 for bread, 2 for turkey, 1 for cheese, and 1 for sauce) but splitting it in half cut it down to 4. You could also lower points by using pita or a low-carb wrap. 

Ingredients I used:

4 medium slices of squash

4 medium slices of zucchini

1/2 red pepper

1/2 yellow pepper

1/4 thickly sliced yellow onion

Handful baby spinach

2  medium thick slices deli turkey

1 whole wheat harris teeter brand flatbread

1/4 cup shredded cheese

For the sauce:

Cooking spray

1 tbsp balsamic vinegar 

1/4 tsp turbinado cane sugar (you can use regular sugar I just prefer turbinado)

1 & 1/2 tbsp olive oil

Salt and Pepper to taste

Recipe:

Heat pan over medium high heat with cooking spray (I used olive oil spray) until it shimmers.

Add veggies and cook for 2 minutes

Add vinegar, sugar, olive oil, salt, and pepper

Continue cooking for 5 minutes

Meanwhile put turkey on bread and heat in microwave for 30 seconds

Add veggies and sprinkle with cheese. YUM!

I can't get these pictures in the correct order but you get the idea!

Well Hello There Blog

Recently I've stepped back and tried to take a break. The school year was hectically coming to a close. I was waiting on our last ditch effort to create a child on our own. My parents had officially moved  to Atlanta. I sort of avoided this blog. I started living a little and doing what I said I would do prior to starting IVF. I went out to eat with friends, went to a few concerts, visited the beach, made two trips to my parents house (one to hang out and one to see my aunt who was in town), and enjoyed my first week off of work.

To be honest, I didn't enjoy it all that much! I hate structure but I need it. I woke up at 9:00am today and really haven't gotten off the couch since. If I don't have things to do, I'll do nothing, as I've done today. So I need to start working on this summer routine thing. First of all, I NEED to start running. I miss the clear-head and skinny body that running gives me. That will be my first priority. Second, I need to start cooking. I haven't been in the kitchen in sooo long! I got a taste last night preparing food for the pops in the park concert and I realize how much I have missed it. I want to read books, paint several pieces of furniture that I've put off, list a few things for sale on craigslist. Organize the garage (dun dun dun). I've decided to create my "summer list". Things I want to accomplish this summer. I thought about writing the list in the post but decided to create a separate page so I can easily make additions and cross things off that I've accomplished!

On another note, I figure I may as well do an infertility update. I didn't get pregnant this cycle which gave me a feeling that Jay's test results were not going to come back as high as we wanted them. I was totally prepared for IVF to start today (my cycle day 3, which is when I usually start the meds). The doctor called us yesterday on our way home from the beach to tell us the results. She told me that we would need to proceed with IVF and I should call tomorrow (today) to schedule our IVF consultation. Um what? IVF consultation? Haven't we been talking about this for a few months? Can't we get started right away? Um no. All patients pretty much take a month off and have their consultation before anything can begin.

I was devastated. I cried and cried. Why was I crying? I knew this was going to be the case. I have weird feelings about things and I've pretty much known since January that we would have to do this. But it hit me hard. Really hard. Mainly the idea that we will never be able to have children on our own. It sucks and I was not prepared. I cried the entire 4 hours home from the beach. Poor Jay. He's not a talker when it comes to that kind of thing. Doesn't show a lot of emotion. Just kept telling me it would be ok. It didn't help. Nothing helped (well maybe the fettuccine alfredo we had for lunch from olive garden...jk). I took some deep breathes. We fought for a little bit. About how Jay doesn't show emotion, about how he can just say "ok so we're doing IVF, lets do it" without any reservation or feeling. I'm jealous.

By the time we got back to Charlotte and finished lunch I was doing really well. We had plans to attend pops in the park and I was able to keep myself busy and distracted. I prayed and prayed last night that the first round of IVF will work. I really don't know what I'll do if it doesn't. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I called to schedule my consultation this morning and the receptionist told me we couldn't get in to be seen for the consultation until July 21st. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I already have to wait this cycle out and possibly another. I can't image wasting three or more cycles! I was already bummed that we wouldn't get through our first cycle this summer. We had really wanted to do it this summer so that I was out of work and stress free. It looks like now I'll be doing it right at the beginning of a new school year. Talk about stress! I almost started crying to the receptionist. I think she could hear my voice crack and told me to hang on a minute. 10 minutes later when she returned to the phone she told me they could fit us in on June 30th. Thank you God! I am happy to wait 10 days instead of 40!

On June 30th we'll have an hour consultation with the doctor, an hour meeting with the nurse, and then a two hour meeting with the financial counselor. Please pray for us that day! IVF consists of a several days of birth control pills (to get control of my cycle), followed by several days of Lupron injections (to make sure that I am not growing any eggs on my own), next is several days of injections intended to stimulate my ovaries to create several follicles/eggs. Once the eggs have grown, I'll be giving another shot to release them and then I'll go in for the egg retrieval. This is an outpatient surgery where the doctor will go in and collect my eggs from my ovaries. The doctor will then inject a single sperm into each of my eggs and allow them to grow in the laboratory for 3-5 days. After the growth period, we will select how many eggs we would like to transfer back to my uterus. Another 12 days later we'll learn if the IVF was a success and if we are pregnant. At our clinic, 52% of people undergoing IVF get pregnant. 45% of people undergoing IVF actually have a child meaning the pregnancy did not end in miscarriage. Since this blog is read by pretty much only my friends and sisters, I want to ask you something. I've been really strong in the past few months. Haven't cried, have tried not to talk about babies 24/7, have tried to really enjoy my life pre-baby. Please bear with me over these next two months. Please be there if I need to talk. Please don't get annoyed if this is all I'm talking about. Please be there. I haven't realized how much this really would affect me until that nurse called with the news. I think more than anything I'm terrified that this won't work and that we won't be able to have children. Please keep us in your prayers. Thank you all so much!

Was that a three day weekend?

First of all... I'd like to thank all that have served our country and fought for our freedom. I was happy to take a moment to reflect on what this holiday really means at church on Sunday. So often we think of these holidays as an extra day off work and don't take the time to really celebrate the meaning behind the holiday. Not that I did much celebrating this year....

I started babysitting for a family of three (a freshman, an 8th grader, and a 3rd grader) on Thursday afternoon. I finished babysitting on Sunday afternoon at 6pm. It was a long but pretty easy weekend. The kids are at the age where all they need me to do is drive them around. The little one and I enjoyed hanging by the pool on Sunday and soaking up the sun. Luckily their neighborhood is also home to many of my mommy friends and I had some adult time at the pool catching up.

Sunday evening Bo and I made the trek to Atlanta to spend some time with my parents and "help" them unpack. First of all, growing up in a house that is around 3,000 sq feet makes this place feel like a mansion. I got lost trying to figure out all the doorways and steps! This house is absolutely perfect for our family. It's a little big for my parents by themselves but hopefully we'll be able to fill it with family often. I finally have the huge room I've always wanted and my closet is large enough for a nursery. I told my parents that if Jay ever gets transfered to Atlanta we are buying this house from them! My parents did a great job and now I'm so excited to spend a week down there and help my mom decorate! The biggest challenge is finding new furniture of the right scale to fill the place!

I was so excited to see my husband last night! I hadn't seen him since Thursday and really missed him. He was in Asheboro this weekend and came back with the best part of the summer, our boat! We've got some yearly maintenance to do this week and then hopefully by the weekend of the 10th we'll be out on the lake!!!

This morning I sent my little sister Bo off for her first day of work at her big girl job. She's working at McColl Partners investing firm. Last night we made sure that her suit was perfectly pressed and everything was ready to go! I know she is anxious (as we all were before entering the real world) and I hope her day is fabulous!

Highlights of the week I'm looking forward too (please let me know if you'd like to join!):
1. Wednesday Night- Alive After 5 at Piedmont Row
2. Thursday Night- Kenny Chesney Concert
3. Friday Night- Drinks and Dancing @ Andrew Blair's
4. Saturday Day- The monthly egg count
5. Saturday Night- Confirmation Dinner for me/Ivey's dance recital for Jay
6. Sunday- Church

Here's to a GREAT week ahead and only two more weeks until summer vacay!

It's Friday and I'm not really excited

Many months ago a family friend asked my sister if she would babysit their children this weekend. My sister started grad school a few weeks ago and wasn't going to be able to so I volunteered for the job. The family has a son that is a freshman, a daughter in 8th grade, and another son in 3rd grade. Seemed easy enough, the dad told me both the older kids would stay with friends and I'd just watch the younger one. I'd start after school on Thursday and get done mid-Saturday. Perfect. Make a little extra money and still have two days of my weekend!

The plan was to host a cookout Saturday night, lead the design portion of our church service Sunday morning, head down to Atlanta after church. I got to the house I was babysitting at on Thursday and realized that the parents were not coming back until late Sunday evening. I was SOOO bummed. I'm debating about heading to Atlanta Sunday evening or just hanging out in Charlotte. I hate when I've got things so perfectly planned out and something doesn't go the way I planned it. UGH!

Spring Cleaning

I spent the majority of the day yesterday cleaning my classroom. It was time. It was nasty. Things had accumulated over the year. Papers were stacked everywhere. Candy from 2008 may have been found. A gentle nudge from an administrator may have lit the fire under my hiney to get it done. So now it's done and I'm actually proud of my room. It is nice to have it clean. It looks nice and organized. But it's a fraud. It's not me. I'm not nice and clean. I'm a mess. I always have been and assume I always will be. Give me a week in this room and I'm sure it will look like a dump again. It's not that I try to make it messy, it just becomes that way. I'm no good at filing away papers, putting pens back in the pen holder, throwing away things I don't need. When my room is clean, I lose things. I'm much more likely to find something buried under a pile on my desk than in a file folder.

I'm hoping I can keep it clean for as long as possible. I do appreciate neatness. I just have a hard time keeping it. While my room is neat I've decided to post some pictures so that you can see where I live for 50+ hours each week! (pics coming soon... I have to wait until students aren't in my classroom)

By the way, I have a new favorite blog: Beth's Journey. It's a foodie/healthy living blog. Her recipes are awesome and I've really enjoyed reading! I've made her zucchini burgers and plan to make the fish tacos for dinner this Saturday. Hopefully you'll be able to get something out of it too!

CD3

We headed back to the doctor again today for our CD3 appointment. Everything is clear and ready to go for this cycle. Jay is going to get another semen analysis done on June 13th. If this cycle doesn't work and Jay's count is still low, we will proceed with IVF.


I was hoping to start IVF on this next cycle. Doctor Wing informed me today that it will be at least 6-8 after this cycle before we start IVF. Evidently we have to do tons of paperwork, go to counseling sessions, and take medications to prepare. So I'm thinking I may have the possibility of being pregnant in August? We'll have to see how it all goes. I wasn't necessarily expecting it to take so long so I was a little sad leaving the clinic. I've tried sooo hard not to be sad about it recently and decided that it was ok to give myself a little break and be sad for a few moments. In August we will have officially tried for a year. Who know it would be this long and possibly longer. That's all for now!

New Blog

Many of you know, and especially if you've been reading this blog, that I've really been struggling with weight loss. I try to work out, get busy, get emotional, and then I quit exercising and chow down. It's time to really take control over my weight issues. I feel more accountable when I write about it but I don't really think this blog is the right platform. Instead, I've started a new second blog called Anni Eats... and get skinny. I'm going to post every piece of food that enters my body on that blog. I'm also going to keep track of our house's biggest loser competition (Me vs. Bo vs. Jay). I'll still post some recipes here and if I post them there I'll be sure to include a link.

Feel free to follow along on the journey to get skinny and I've you've got advice or food to try please check out Anni Eats and leave a comment!

Thanks!!!

A Little Good News!

It's open enrollment benefit time at our school. Our school has terrible health and dental benefits and I am so lucky that Jay has excellent benefits (minus infertility coverage, but that is rare). The only good thing the school has done is to give us the option of having a Flexible Spending Account. Jay and I have always had one through his company but my school's FSA starts in July and its great for supplementing Jay's. Last year we maxed out Jay's FSA in November. We thought we did a pretty good job figuring out our normal medical bills and we came out pretty good. I also was fortunate to use my school's FSA for new eyes lasik eye surgery. Then infertility struck....

Jay's new FSA started January 1st 2011. We depleted Jay's FSA by February 1st 2011 and have just been paying medical expenses with our hard earned taxed dollars ever since. Today I called the company that administers my FSA and to my surprise, they told me I could use the money on infertility drugs and IVF treatment! Woo Hoo! Now, my FSA max in $2500 and that doesn't pay a lot, but its sure better than nothing! Why am I surprised you ask? Well the Catholic Church doesn't support the use of non-conjugal acts to create a child. Nor do that support any sort of medication that prevents conception (i.e. birth control pills). Our insurance will not cover them at all. I assumed the FSA wouldn't cover any of the infertility but I am sooo happy it does! It's just like adding $2500 to our savings account! Yay for the little things!

Yes, I am Crazy

See what happens when you blog without thinking. How could I make it an entire summer without my husband. I couldn't. I would miss him WAY to much! It could have been fun but I think it was just a crazy idea! Haha! Maybe I'll go run and join the circus instead. I know I sound like a lunatic. Its probably the ADD talking. No more crazy posts for the day. Promise :)

Have I lost my mind?

Sooo I just got an email from my principal with "summer job" as the subject. Now, normally I enjoy doing NOTHING over the summer, but this one has to be different. If we're going to do IVF, I want to pay for as much as we can out of pocket and not have to finance it or borrow from our families. I've been babysitting lately to try to save but I think I can save more money giving up date night!

So what is this summer job that intrigued me? Cruise Director. Yes, you read that correct. The position is for a junior cruise director (aka children's activities) on the luxurious uber-expensive Crystal Cruise lines. The cruise that I would work on would either be around Alaska or Northern Europe. Pretty nice little deal.

I have no idea what prompted me to do this. Maybe because I've never done anything remotely adventurous or on my own. I've been a "pair" since I was 18. I didn't travel abroad, live with girlfriends at the beach, or spend a summer in NYC like many of my girlfriends. Maybe cruise director isn't all that appealing but it would be something new and different. Something to do before getting pregnant with a little one. I know this isn't an amazing, life-altering experience, but I know for sure I'll never do anything like it once I start a family. So I'm going to go ahead and send my resume and see what happens. Who knows if I will really do it or if I'm just tempted by the idea of it.

Sleep... where are you?

I have been sooo exhausted lately. Jay tells me that its lack of exercise. I'm going to try to work exercise into my routine again. I feel like I get my life all together and then busy-ness happens and it all falls a part (you should see my bedroom right now). I feel like I've blog neglected recently, but I don't really have anything to talk about. Now that infertility has calmed down, my life has become boring again! Ha!

We had an exciting weekend and I'm sad to say that I didn't take ANY pictures. The problem with changing purses. Anyhow, we walked a LOT on Friday and slept a LOT on Saturday. Like 2pm a lot. Haven't done that in years. We attend Brian and Jesse's wedding on Saturday and it was sooo much fun. Great group of people. Lots of dancing. Sushi bar. Um yea.

Sunday was LOADS of church. We always have a great time but after an exhausting weekend we were tired! We pooped out of evening Sunday school and planned to spend some QT in front of the TV. Our house phone rang (ya, we're old. We have a house phone) and it was my BFF Mary Clare. She was surprising me with dessert! She picked me up and headed to a super secret location Amalie's on the other side of the world aka NoDa. If you haven't had their salted caramel brownies you are really missing out. It was such a fun surprise to catch up with one of my very best friends. We haven't seen each other in forever (an indication of our crazy busy lives). MC,  I am so thankful to have you in my life. Even though we don't see each other as often as we would like, I know you are always there for me :)

Ok enough mush. Cheer tryouts started yesterday and I have an amazing group of 55 girls to choose from. They are all really great girls. I have an amazing (can I overuse that word anymore?) group of adult coaches helping me also. Hoping I can make a few State games this year instead of always being stuck at the ballfield!

Random thoughts but I'll wrap it up. Have a Happy Tuesday!

It's Friday Friday Gotta Get Down on Friday

Ha! So today I told my kids that if they sang that annoying song solo I'd let them have a free day. A few of them took me up on the offer and it was HILARIOUS! I still made them do some work but it set the tone for a fun Friday in the classroom. As a teacher I like to engage my students. I demand respect but also LOVE to have fun with them. I laugh continuously throughout the day. I truly enjoy my job.

Jay and I have been sooo busy lately. Its hard to take time and slow down for one another. Cheerleading began this week with registration night on Monday. I was at work for 15 hours straight! Tuesday night was spent at a Rock Bottom for a church meeting. I'm loving the dinner and drinking meetings. Everyone is always happier! Wednesday night, Bo (My youngest sister who excitedly moved in with us on Tuesday), Jay, and I decorated the sanctuary for worship on Sunday morning. Last night I had a free night but Jay had softball. I swear the only time we see each other is right before bed! I'm not complaining I love to be busy but I do need a relaxing day with the hubs every now and then.

So that's what we're planning to do this weekend. Um ya right. Tonight we have a baseball party to celebrate the Holy Trinity boy's baseball team and my husband's wonderful coaching. The boys are sooo excited that we are coming. I just hope they don't push him in the pool or something because right after the party we are headed to Relay for Life. My friend Heather's brother died of cancer and we are all walking/raising money in his honor. If you would like to donate please click here. Jay and I will be walking from 1am-2am and again from 6am-7am.

Soon after Relay Jay is heading to play paintball with his mentee from church. Owen has been looking forward to this day for forever and texts Jay about once a week asking him when they get to go paintball-ing. I'm hoping he doesn't get too bruised because after paintball we'll be attending the wedding of our good friends Brian Buchanan and Jesse Kopp. We are so excited to see these two finally tie the knot!

We've got lotsa church happening on Sunday and I mean LOTS OF CHURCH. I love it though.

I hate to say it but I'm already looking forward to spending next weekend at the beach. I need to get my spray tan on before we head down there! Ha!

Hope your week wasn't as crazy as ours and that you are enjoying this beautiful spring weather! Have a great weekend!

Interesting Article

One of my good friends sent me a link to this article. Teaching in a Catholic School I found it really interesting. What are your views on IVF? Would you deliver someone else's baby? 

My Take: Catholic Church should reverse opposition to in vitro fertilization

Editor's note: Sean Savage is coauthor of "Inconceivable: A Medical Mistake, the Baby We Couldn't Keep, and Our Choice to Deliver the Ultimate Gift" and a cradle Catholic who lives in Sylvania, Ohio, with his wife and three children.

By Sean Savage, Special to CNN

According to the Roman Catholic Church, the only moral route to conceiving a child is through sexual intercourse. As a Catholic, I find the church's position to be discriminatory against couples who have medical conditions that prevent them from conceiving in that manner.

I never intended to challenge the church when my wife and I pursued in vitro fertilization in an effort to expand our family after a decade of unsuccessful infertility treatments. We loved our two boys and we'd always wanted a big family. After a successful IVF procedure in 2007 brought us our daughter in 2008, we tried again so that we could fulfill our commitment to give every embryo we created a chance at life.

When a fertility center made a critical error by transferring another couple's embryos to my wife, we were thrust into an unusual pregnancy and eventually found ourselves at the center of an intense media storm. On September 24, 2009, the day Carolyn gave birth to a very loved baby boy, who was immediately turned over to his genetic parents, the Catholic Diocese of Toledo released a statement to The Toledo Blade condemning IVF as "morally unacceptable."

Because we were the focus of the news, we felt as though the diocese was really condemning us.

The statement hurt Carolyn and me tremendously. We had hoped for the church's support and prayer on one of the hardest days we've ever faced.

Carolyn and I have always believed in our stewardship responsibilities to the church. I'd given thousands of hours over the years to coaching youth through my local parish, have raised funds for Catholic churches and schools and have given charitably to church causes. Carolyn had dedicated her career to teaching and working as a principal in Catholic schools.

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Instead of support, the church branded us in a very public way with the apparently shameful letters IVF. Why couldn't the church recognize our journey for what it was - an affirmation of the sanctity of life? Their negative response motivated me to look closer at the issue.

I believe there is an ethical path a couple can take when pursuing IVF and I ask the Roman Catholic Church to consider adopting a new doctrine that provides moral guidance for Catholic couples on how to do so.

While I share many concerns with the Catholic Church about abuses within the science of IVF, I disagree with a number of points the church makes on the issue. The church spelled out its stance in Donum Vitae, a 1987 doctrine on biomedical issues released by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith - an office then led by Cardinal Joseph Ratziner, who is now Pope Benedict XVI - and in 2008's Dignitas Personae, another influential church document.

The original doctrine states that "even if it (IVF) is considered in the context of 'de facto' existing sexual relations, the generation of the human person is deprived of its proper perfection; namely, that of being the result and fruit of a conjugal act." Dignitas Personae echoes this position by stating "human procreation is a personal act of a husband and wife, which is not capable of substitution."

I am personally opposed to the intentional destruction and discarding of unwanted embryos and understand why this is condemned by the church. But to state that a child born of IVF is less perfect than a child created through sexual intercourse is absurd. Is the church truly claiming that our beautiful and innocent daughter, conceived through an IVF procedure, is somehow "less" because of how her physical life began? In her, Carolyn and I see God's precious creation.

Of course, the creation of a child through a conjugal act is the preferred method because it is the most natural, least expensive and least stressful. But that shouldn't mean it should be the only acceptable route to conception.

What about Catholic men and women who have legitimate medical conditions, like endometriosis, which Carolyn has and which caused infertility despite efforts at surgical intervention?

Carolyn and I would have been happy to save thousands of dollars and a decade of emotional ups and downs by conceiving the "old-fashioned way," but that wasn't possible. We turn to medicine for a litany of medical maladies and impairments, but infertile Catholics are supposed to avoid treating a medical condition which prevents them from building or expanding their family?

Yes, adoption is a wonderful option for the couples who decide it's right for them, but adoption should never be forced on anyone.

The Donum Vitae doctrine also states that "in vitro fertilization is in itself illicit and in opposition to the dignity of procreation and of the conjugal union even when everything is done to avoid the death of the human embryo."

The term "illicit" has such a grave connotation and to use it in this context seems quite out of place. Should a couple that seeks a child through IVF, and that does so with a commitment to allow every embryo a chance at life, be considered to be participating in an illicit activity?

The most perplexing and pejorative language from Donum Vitae is that "marriage does not confer upon the spouses the right to have a child... the child has the right, as already mentioned to be the fruit of the specific act of the conjugal love of his parents and has the right to be respected as a person from the moment of conception."

Babies born of IVF are here because their parents loved, respected and longed for these children well before conception. These children could not get here through the conjugal love of their parents and it took a very deep love, respect, and commitment to pursue the medical treatment needed to conceive through IVF. There is no doubt in my mind that God is working through loving parents and ethical doctors to allow these children to come into this world.

Now for the ironic in Donum Vitae: "Scientists are to be encouraged to continue their research with the aim of preventing causes of sterility and of being able to remedy them so that sterile couples will be able to procreate in full respect for their own personal dignity and that of the child to be born."

So although there are solutions for sterile couples today, those should not be sought because they are outside of the conjugal act? If Carolyn and I were to wait until the scientific advances described in this statement before pursuing additional children, we would not have our daughter - or the opportunity to welcome two more children into this world this August.

If science can advance to the point that all procreation can happen within the confines of the conjugal act, that would be incredible. But what do couples do while waiting the years and probable decades before these advances come to fruition?

The challenge for the church is to see the beauty in the science and that there is a path within IVF that is worthy of God's grace and approval.

The church's presence in this field could help limit abuses and disregard for human life through advocacy, education, and support. Perhaps it could provide counselors as couples pursue IVF and face many technical and nuanced decisions. And maybe the church could help couples navigate even more complex situations, like embryo adoption.

Carolyn and I were victims of the worst IVF mistake on record. But we remain proponents of the science and understand the good that is done by God through ethical physicians in this industry. We value and support the sanctity of life, even if it's created with the help of IVF.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Sean Savage.

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