The Obligatory Target Post

via

 
I wore these adorable little flats to school yesterday. I probably matched 100,000 other women that swarmed to target Tuesday to score some Missoni for Target merchandise. I got to Target around 2:30 and grabbed the last pair of flats they had, luckily in my size. I also picked up these

via

I was really bummed that all of the clothing had sold out. I LOVE sweater dresses for the winter. They are perfect for work and I had my eyes set on a few from the Missoni for Target collection. Unfortunately, they are all gone everywhere and rumor has it they will not be returning. Thanks to all you selfish woman that bought up everything to sell on ebay. Oh well, I still found two cute Merona brand dresses. An army green shirt dress that will go perfectly into fall.

I promise it looks way better in person than on their website. I almost didn't put up this picture!

I also bought this cute Merona dress. Will be perfect for fall and winter with a black turtleneck and tights.

Bad News

I've been waiting a while to write this post. Yesterday afternoon, I learned that my blood test confirmed that I am not pregnant and that this round of IVF was unsuccessful.

I'll start from the beginning. On Friday afternoon I noticed a tiny bit of spotting and was elated! This tiny bit of spotting is known as implantation bleeding, meaning my little embryos had snuggled into my lining and implanted themselves. I was so excited and knew that a pregnancy test would give me a positive result in a few days. My mom came into town Friday night and we enjoyed a nice meal out. I was in such a great mood. On Saturday we ventured over to Shower Me With Love (an adorable baby boutique) to pick up a gift for a friends shower and do a little browsing for ourselves. I was even more excited that I thought I could be pregnant and start buying all the adorable baby things. On Sunday morning, I took a pregnancy test and it came back negative. I assumed I had tested too early and the HCG wasn't pumping through my body just yet. Sunday afternoon the spotting picked up. A lot. I cried. I knew something wasn't right. This wasn't implantation bleeding anymore...Monday morning, the spotting picked up even more and combined with another pregnancy test, I knew this pregnancy was not happening. (TMI ALERT) On Tuesday, I started my period. I cried all the way to school. I choked back tears during the day. I barely made it through cheer practice. I called the nurse Tuesday afternoon to let her know that I had started and to ask if we could move my blood pregnancy test up so that I could confirm what I already knew and quit taking those painful progesterone shots in the rear! They scheduled me for Wednesday morning.

Tuesday night, Jay and I enjoyed a glass of wine together while sitting on the porch watching the sunset. We talked about how sad we were, how upset we were. Jay was frustrated with God and asked why he continued to punish us. I thought about it for a minute and realized how upset his comment made me. I told him that we are not being punished. We are blessed. We have amazing lives. We are well cared for and loved. We have a great marriage, a beautiful home, and wonderful friends and families. This simply was not God's plan for us to get pregnant at this time. At that time I put my faith 100% with God and prayed that his plan was for us to one day be parents. And to grant us patience as we wait for that day to come. 

On Wednesday morning I was MUCH better. I headed into the drs office and one of the nurses that helped with my retrieval surgery was at the registration desk. She asked me if I was excited about today. I told her no, I already knew the results and that it didn't work. I then smiled, thanked her for asking and went upstairs for the lab work. During lab, I got my favorite tech and she again asked me how I was feeling about today's test. I let her know that it would be negative. I kept a smile the whole time, telling her that I looked forward to seeing her again in a few weeks to start the process over again. My regular nurse called me around 10 with the results. She left a message stating how surprised she was and that this was not the outcome they expected. I called her back and let her know I was totally fine and ready to move on. I think she thought I was nuts, I mean what lady doesn't cry when they tell her that her high-tech attempt at pregnancy did not work out. I told her I knew from Sunday on that this wouldn't work out and I was over the tears and ready to move forward with the next step. 

We were so fortunate and had such a great IVF cycle that we were able to freeze some of our leftover embryos.  In approximately 6 weeks we'll be transferring two or three frozen embryos back into my body. I start birth control pills to start slowing my ovaries down this evening and will resume the lovely Lupron (in the tummy) shots in a few weeks. Luckily, this procedure is much more affordable in comparison to the total IVF. I am so excited to move further on this journey to becoming a Mom. 

Thank God for Moms!

Thank God somehow my wonderful mother has all of my honeymoon pictures on her computer! Yay! I feel sooo much better. I'm still using the laptop I got my senior year of college and the memory is completely full. I accidentally deleted these pics because I have no room to put new ones on my computer (note the lack of facebook picture updates). I just told my parents that I REALLY wanted a new computer for my birthday. The question is, do I go mac or pc? Any suggestions from those of you out there? I've always been a PC girl but it might be time to make the switch :)

Anniversary!

Today is our 4th anniversary and it almost passed us by! This has been such a crazy busy week that we haven't put much thought into celebrating. We enjoyed a nice dinner out at one of my favorite restaurants, Cowfish and had coke icees for dessert! We kept it really low key and decided to forgo exchanging gifts this year. I did however decide at the last minute to buy us both a little something. I was pretty tired of being couped up today so I hit the Black & Blue store closing sale and got a hot pair of sevens for Jay. I bought a dress for me but didn't try it on and realized it was WAY too small when I got home. Allie- You're the new owner of a great new fall dress! Seeing how much weight I've gained, I decided I needed a new pair of jeans to get me through the fall and winter and found the perfect pair of petite Paige flare jeans at Nordstrom. Yay! So I guess denim is the 4th year anniversary gift of the Carrolls!

Dinner @ Cowfish

Yummy veggie lettuce wraps

My Husband :)

Speaking of, I cannot believe that it has been FOUR years since I married the guy of my dreams :) I know we've had our ups and downs and somewhat thrive off of bickering, there is no one else I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I love you soooo much Jay!

Every year, we've chosen to go on a trip to celebrate another year of being together. Here's a look back at all the fun things we've done. Hopefully next year, our lives will be calm (well as calm as they can be with a baby, and we'll be able to go somewhere fabulous again!)

Our Wedding 2007

Soufriere, St. Lucia 2007

Playa Mujeres, Mexico 2008

Puerto Vallarta, Mexico 2009

Amalfi, Italy 2010

Charlotte, USA 2011 :)

By the way... as I was looking through all of our pictures, I realized that somehow in the backup process, I've deleted ALL of our honeymoon pictures. So sad. My Dad is currently searching through all of their backups at home and hopefully someone on some computer has them! Thank God for Facebook though! At least I have them in some capacity!!!

And also- Our dogs decided to give us the greatest anniversary present that keeps on giving... Another round of fleas! Yay! Jay's currently in the guest bathroom trying to bath them for the second time this week. Looks like we'll be going on a little weekend getaway while our house gets flea bombed... so disgusting. 

Bye Bye Blog

So I've come to the decision to stop posting anything baby related on the blog for the next 10 weeks. Jay and I had talked about what we were going to do if we were indeed pregnant and how to keep that information to ourselves until we were ready to share with the world. As you all know right now, I have no clue if I will remain pregnant so its best to stop talking about it now :) If I am and stay pregnant, I'm currently at around 3 weeks (you start counting from your last period..fyi) and will let you all know how it turns out in 10 or so weeks.

In the meantime, I'll still post about our life but nothing about IVF, IF treatments, baby news, etc. I do want to record what is going to go on with us in the next 10 weeks baby wise so I will make some entries to post at a later time.

TTFN! (Did I really just bring that back from my AOL middle school days?)

Successful Transfer!

On Tuesday we successfully transferred two "perfect" (Dr's words not mine) embryos into my uterus. I was the coolest, most amazing thing I've ever seen.

I woke up early Tuesday and decided to bake some homemade brownies for the pre-op, surgery, and recovery staff as they were so kind to me during my retrieval. I took a long shower, got ready, and actually put on makeup (haven't done that in about a week!). Jay came home from work to pick me up and off we went to the transfer. As we were pulling out of the driveway at 12:00, I open the valuim I was supposed to take to make extra relaxed. We hit a bump and that little green pill made its way under my seat and below the carpet, right as the rain began pouring outside. Jay and I both took turns searching for the pill from all angles with no luck. I called the Dr. office and told them I would be ok without the pill. They said absolutely not and sent me to the nearest pharmacy to pick up another. I started to get a little nervous. I arrived at the pharmacy and told the cashier I needed this pill asap as I was on my way to the procedure. She coldly told me to sit out and wait my 15 minutes like everyone else! Come on! It was ONE pill. How long does that take to fill. I sat in my chair and anxiety and worry crept in. I felt like I was going to miss my appointment and I'd never get my chance :(

Exactly 15 minutes later they called me to collect my meds. I grabbed it and ran, opening the bottle as I tore of out the store. I popped the pill in the car and by the time we were 5 minutes from the office I was feeling very relaxed.

We dropped the brownies off with the nurses and everyone started enjoying them while I was changing into my hospital gown. Even my Dr. stopped by to tell me how wonderful they were. At least if we were late we brought goodies :) All the nurses and staff were sooo sweet to me!

They led me back to the procedure room where the embryologist showed me my very first baby picture. My two little clumps of cells! They also reported that they were able to freeze two of the other embryos for us to use in the future :) The Dr got me all hooked up and was ready to put my embies in and noticed that my bladder wasn't quite full enough to show the top of my uterus on the screen. Ugh. I had to get unhooked and wait about 5 minutes for it to finish filling up. Finally it did and we were ready to start. On one monitor to my left I could see the embryologist sucking up our two little embryos into the catheter. A few seconds later he was in the procedure room passing it off to the Dr. Dr. Wing inserted the catheter and I got to watch the embryos slide into my uterus via ultrasound on another monitor. After he was finished, the embryologist checked to make sure both embryos were out of the catheter and surely enough one was being stubborn and decided to stick. The nurses and staff joked that that embryo was the boy because he was the stubborn one and Dr. Wing said he disagreed and that was the girl :) The second embryo was successfully placed in my uterus and everyone cheered. It was such an amazing experience and I feel really fortunate to have been able to see this first hand.

I've been on bedrest for the past 24 hours. Jay has been amazing, cleaning our house, fixing me food, and hanging out with me while I watched the entire season of Kate Plus 8. We are both SOOO excited and cannot wait to see what God has in store for us. I pray all the time that this baby sticks but ultimately know that God already knows the answer, regardless of what I ask of him. Thanks for all the support I've received through my loving friends and family!

Photo's of the Day:

Heading to the Dr with my brownies

Lookin hot in my hair net and hospital gown

Our Embryos

Jay excited to see our potential children 

Headed for recovery!

Today is the Day!

In approximately 2 hours, I will be pregnant until proven otherwise. We are headed in at 12:30 to have the embryos (hopefully blastocysts) transferred back into my body. I don't know how many we have left or how many actually made it to the blastocyst stage. I am so excited to a peak at our microscopic embryos! 

The procedure should be done very quickly and I'll come home and rest for the next three days. My goal, if I am able to get pregnant (YAY) today will be to keep the pregnancy. I've heard from others that getting pregnant is the easy part, staying pregnant is the hard part. Please keep me and our family in your prayers!

My hips and behind have been SOOO sore. I feel like someone has punched me as hard as they can. I had been majorly DESPISING the progesterone shots that I've had to take in my butt/hip area for the past few days until yesterday when I came across this quote. "Transform anxiety into excitement; focus not on the fear of what lies ahead but the possibilities you might create."

I am excited.

Oversharing

This post is definitely TMI. I've debated even posting it but I would like to look back if I do in fact get pregnant and remember this journey.

As of yesterday, I hadn't gone to the restroom in 5 days, the night before my egg retrieval. The day prior I had talked to my IVF nurse and she said that I had to go before my embryo transfer and suggested that I try Metamucil and if that doesn't work, then go for the milk of magnesia. Well needless to say, none of those worked.  I was feeling like a whale for some time and had put on around 6lbs as of yesterday afternoon. Jay took me to go the see The Help and I almost walked out in the middle of it, I was in sooo much pain. On the way home from the movie we decided to go to urgent care because I looked like I was 6 months pregnant and walking waddling to the car.

The poor PA at urgent care did everything she could not to laugh. I mean it was a funny situation and I kept telling her this has never happened to me before and I just didn't know what to do! She told me to take some over the counter stuff and up the dosage as well as gave me a pill to help with the cramping.  I really felt like a trooper last night. I was chugging gatorade, freezing then sweating, and my whole body was shaking. On top of that I had to have another progesterone shot in my butt. I HATE shots. After an absolutely terrible night last night, I woke up this morning and felt MUCH better. The scale looked much better too :) I REALLY want this baby! And I guess I'm learning that as a mom you do anything for your child.

Still Alive!

The embryologist just called and all 14 of our embryos are still alive! I'm really in shock. We've been praying every night that God takes care of our little 8 celled creatures. She reported that three are starting to slow down in their growth but that still leaves us with 11 normally developing embryos. We are just so excited. Our transfer will be planned for Tuesday. I am just continuing to pray that they all continue to do well and that we have two blastocysts to transfer on Tuesday.

I've been feeling ok so far. Yesterday we met friends out for lunch and I was surprised how exhausting it was. I don't think I gave the egg retrieval enough credit : / We ran a few errands and then headed home so that I could get back in bed. We enjoyed a lazy day followed by a Wolfpack win! So glad we invested in a S-video cord to watch the ESPN360 games on the internet. Can't wait until we head up to Raleigh in two weeks to watch the game live!

Overall, I've just been tired and sore. I'm ready to start healing so that I can begin walking and exercising. Jay has been a great help, running to get me things to eat, taking care of the dogs and laundry, and overall being very supportive. I'm headed in to school today to create my lesson plans for the next week. I'm taking Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday off... LOTS of planning to do!

Hope you're having a fabulous labor day weekend!

Good News!

I had a pretty good night last night. Went to bed around 8 with the help of a vicodin for the pain and woke up around 3 to use the restroom and again at 7 for the same reason. I lost 4 lbs overnight so I feel like my risk for OHSS is going down as I am not retaining fluid.

The nurse called to check on me this morning and was relived that I was feeling good. She handed the phone to the embryologist who let us know that out of the 25 eggs retrieved, 18 were mature and 14 fertilized! So currently we've got 14 embryos chillin in petri dishes :) They are pretty sure that some of the embies will make it to blast stage and that our transfer will be on Tuesday. I'm looking forward to getting the report on Sunday to let us know how they are doing. 

Here are two graphics for you non-experienced IVFers (meaning pretty much everyone I know!)

Overall, I'm a bit bored laying in bed and not looking forward to three more days of bed rest next week. All my family is headed up to my uncle's lake house in Michigan to celebrate my Grandpa's 75th birthday. I'm sad to be missing out on a fun weekend but know that being here is for the best :) I think Jay and I may go see a movie tonight to help pass time. Calls, emails, and texts have all been greatly appreciated! 

Quick Update!

Surgery went well this morning. They retrieved 25 eggs! The average at my clinic is 10-12 so this was awesome! Tomorrow the nurse will call to let us know how many were mature and how many fertilized. My husband informed me that I was in pain when I woke upso they gave me some pain meds in my IV. I have no recollection of this but evidently when they told me how many eggs I had I started to cry and repeated the number over and over again and told everyone how excited I was. I'm a bit embarrassed but still very excited!

The nurses and anesthesiologist were so nice and friendly. I want to bring them cookies tomorrow and thank them for being so sweet while I was so loopy! Ha! Please keep praying that the eggs are mature and that they fertilize and that my little embryos are strong enough to survive until Tuesday, the date of our scheduled embryo transfer!

Retrieval is Scheduled!!!

YAY! I'm so excited! I've been keeping quiet this week praying that everything would go as soothly as possible. Except for being really tired and a few emotional outbursts, my IVF experience has been wonderful. After starting the stims on Monday, 8/22 I went to the office on Thursday 8/25 for bloodwork and my levels looked great so my medications were reduced. I returned on Sunday 8/28 for my first ultrasound/egg count. The weekend Dr. counted 10 eggs and said there were probably more. He guessed I would be great for retrieval on Thursday. I met with my regular doctor this morning for another ultrasound and he counted 29 eggs! I was soo excited. Granted, a lot probably won't be mature but regardless, I'm praying we've got a good shot! He said that I have responded very nicely and am right on target with all my levels. He wanted to check my bloodwork and would call me to let me know if the retrieval was going to be on Thursday or Friday.

I just got the call and my retrieval is scheduled for Thursday morning at 8:30! I am so just excited and so thankful that this process has been great so far. Although I will be devastated if I am not pregnant after this is over, I know that I am totally capable of doing this again :) 

I'll have the retrieval surgery on Thursday morning and spend Thursday, Friday, and Saturday in bed recovering. Anyone want to lend me their netflix subscription or some DVDs? Hopefully some of the eggs will fertilize and become embryos and then on to blastocysts. If we are so lucky, our transfer will be on Tuesday 9/6. If they don't make it to blastocyst stage, our transfer will be on Sunday 9/4. Either way I'll be on another 3 days of bedrest. Stop by if you're in town!

My whole family (minus my dear hubby) is headed to Michigan for the weekend and I'm a little nervous for the retrieval. I've only been put under once in my life and had a really bad reaction once I was home and alert after that surgery. Please keep us in your prayers this week! I would greatly appreciate it!

Here we go!

So last Friday was pretty much a disaster. The only thing I found comfort in was my husband and Olive Garden pasta (of course). Saturday was much better as I got a surprise visit from mother nature (how corny does that sound...) right before we were leaving for Atlanta. Luckily, I was still able to go out of town and enjoy the weekend with my family. We enjoyed a yummy dinner out at J. Alexander's on Saturday night and on Sunday, we had a great time tubing down the Cartecay River in Ellijay, GA. The river was very shallow at some points and we had some issues with getting stuck. I'm a bit bruised from falling off my tube while going down a small rapid but overall it was tons of fun.

I went in to see the doctor yesterday morning for bloodwork and around 4pm my IVF nurse called me back to let me know that I could begin taking my stimulant drugs. I was so excited to get this off and running! I took a million notes about all of the combinations of drugs I was supposed to take. We started with 225u of a egg-growing drug called Gonal-F, 10u of low dose HCG, and 5u of the Lupron that I've been taking. On top of this, Jay and I are each on a course of antibiotics to prevent any type of infection. I have to take two shots every morning and two every evening. I need to take a minute to say what a wonderful husband I have when it comes to IVF. He got up earlier than me this morning to take the meds out of the fridge to warm up so that they didn't hurt as bad. He also has been great at filling all the shots. It can get really confusing as each shot is done differently. I get to "enjoy" the process as much as possible by laying in my bed relaxing as Jay preps everything. I'm really excited and hopeful to begin the process! I have an ultrasound scheduled for Thursday to see if any follicles have developed! Yay!!!

Terrible

Today has been awful. I woke up late and hurried to get ready for my appointment with the RE. I was supposed to get the go ahead to start taking the ovary stimulating medications today. The office visit was normal, blood work and ultrasound. During the ultrasound my doctor seemed concerned that I hadn't started  my period yet. He didn't say a whole lot but to wait for the blood work to come in. I left with a really terrible feeling that things were not going as planned. Add that to some cheerleading drama that was going on and you have one extremely sad and stressed girl.

I tried to stay positive today but felt like crying every other minute. I thought a movie might help and met my sister to see Glee 3D. During the movie the nurse called and told me that my uterine lining was too think to to proceed and that I can't move ahead until my period starts. If it doesn't start by Tuesday, I need to go in for more blood work. I was so frustrated! I just want to get this thing going. So many people around me are pregnant and seem to get that way just by looking at their partner. I am still very happy and excited for them but also very jealous. Why can't it be me.

I was also really bummed because we were supposed to leave for Atlanta tomorrow morning. Bo was going with us and my Aunt was flying in. We had just made plans today to go river tubing. Probably one of the last times that I could go and float down a river while having a beer and have no other worries. Doctor's orders have me staying in town all weekend in case I start my period. I am so upset about missing family fun time. I just wanted to have a fun weekend away from all the stress I'm feeling with starting work, coaching 100 girls, suing a car dealership, and worrying about IVF. I am supposed to be de-stressing and I feel like the stress just keeps piling on. I know this is a whine-y post but I am just so bummed.

I was supposed to talk with one of my assistant coaches today about the drama going on with cheer but couldn't bring myself to do it, as I'm bursting into tears every other minutes. I text her to let her know that I couldn't chat today because of upsetting news at the doctor and she reminded me to give it to God. That's what I am now trying to do. It's HARD! But I'm working on it!

On another note, since starting back at school I've had a lot of people ask me if I'm pregnant yet. I tried to answer the question by drinking a few glasses of wine at the faculty party but some people didn't get the message. I've heard the response, "don't worry, it'll happen" more times than I can count. Here is a bit of advice to anyone dealing with an infertile friend, DON'T SAY THAT! You have no idea if it will happen or not, your words don't help me; they just annoy me. Just say, "I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. I'll keep you in my prayers and if you ever want to talk, I'll be here to listen". That's it. You don't have to say a lot. Just show your support. It means so much to me.

Boring Titles

I just cannot seem to come up with creative titles. All of them start out like "Here we go again" or "It's been a long time blog". So we'll just leave this one boring.

I started back to school yesterday and its been fun seeing all my coworkers again. I think that summer is a good break to get away from those people that have annoyed you for the last ten months enough so that you are actually happy to see them again and gear up for another year together. Most people like to start fresh for New Years but I've always preferred the beginning of school. I've been lucky to have summers off and fresh starts for as long as I can remember. One thing that I really want to work on this year is preaching my faith through actions.

Preach the Gospel Always: When Necessary, Use Words

We've been practicing cheerleading at St. Gabriel's this summer and this quote painted on the wall of the gym stood out to me. At our faculty meetings yesterday, our principal included it in his goals for the year. Some attribute the quote to St. Francis, but it doesn't really matter to me who said it. It is just a good reminder to show what being a Christian looks like. One of the things I hate the most about religion are people who don't practice what they preach.

Other happenings this week include the payment of IVF. I actually shook when I handed the financial advisor my plethora of credit cards. It wasn't about the cost, but the finality of what we are doing. There is no turning back now, no more "lets keep trying naturally", we are doing this! I'm excited and scared at the same time. We start with the heavy drugs tomorrow. We have about a 50% chance this will work. While I am hopeful I also don't want to get my hopes up. Please keep us in your prayers!

No turning back

So I've been really good with this IVF stuff if I do say so myself. I finished all my birth control pills on August 11th and was amazed that 24 days had gone by. I felt like I waited forever to start them and then it felt like I was going to be on them forever. We started the lupron injections just over a week ago. Things were great the first day, I couldn't feel the shot, and I thought it was going to be cake. I actually had to set my alarm on my phone to remind me to get Jay to do the injection. The second day Jay prepared the injection and decided to wipe the needle with alcohol. Big mistake, major burning and tears and anxiety on my part (remember, I am not a fan of shots). The third day I filled the syringe with the vial of medicine and got an air bubble in it. It burned again and I cried, again. After that Jay decided to be in charge of shots. He does a great job! We've learned that the alcohol wipe must completely dry on my stomach in order for the shot not to burn.

We have a great little routine where I go relax in bed and he prepares the shot and brings it back to the bedroom for me. I lay on my back and cover my face with a pillow and he gives me the shot. I know I sound like an absolute wuss but the thought of the needle going in my skin makes me want to pass out. Our system has been working out really well. Even though I normally don't feel the shot, I still have little bruises all over my stomach (glad I invested in tankinis this summer!). I was surprised that I bruised from the shot because I never bruise!

I have been feeling great about this entire process. I didn't know what people were complaining about and why it was so hard. And then it hit me. Friday night it came on like a ton of bricks. I hadn't really noticed any side effects prior to Friday with the exception of being really cold (like socks, sweatpants, and hoodie + snuggie). Friday night I felt extreme tiredness. I have been sleeping a ton! Like asleep by 9, exhausted rolling out of bed at 8am because I have to and taking naps throughout the day. I've also started feeling a bit emotional and have been really missing my mom lately.  I'm really thankful that Jay is so supportive both in dealing with my emotions and being my nurse. I have talked to several other IVFers and none of their husbands were really involved. I am lucky to have him :)

This has been a pretty boring post. I don't have a lot to say beside documenting some things I want to remember. Highlights of normal life this week include starting teacher workdays, my cheerleading squad's first performance and football game this Saturday, a visit from my mom and sister tomorrow, a possible viewing of The Help, and two church dinners with folks I haven't seen in awhile.

We're still in limbo with the Tahoe and hope to settle that soon. We did purchase another Tahoe and I love it!  A huge tree fell in our backyard on Thursday and Jay has spent the weekend clearing the yard. I've had cheerleading camp everyday for the past week and have been eating out like crazy. Looking forward to Tuesday's farmers market and getting back in the kitchen to cook. More regular non-IVF posts to come! Thanks to those of you that are still reading! :)

Neglect

I know, I know. It's been awhile. It is really hard in the summer to sit in front of the computer when there are so many other things I'd rather or have to be doing. Let's play a little catch up! I'll give you the major events from good to bad!

IVF
Started taking the BC pills on 7/17. I went in yesterday for my trial transfer. I was nervous at first because everytime I've had a catheter in my uterus, I've had really bad cramping and anxiety. I didn't think Jay was coming and was surprised to see him sitting in the waiting room when I arrived. I'm really lucky to have such a supportive husband who wants to be a part of this process.

The trial transfer is when they "practice" putting the embryo back inside my body. Luckily the procedure went well and they were able to do it without any problems and it was short. During the real transfer they only have about a minute to get that embie in there and they want as little trauma as possible. They also did a sonohysterogram where they injected dye into my uterus to check for an polyps or blockages. I got the all clear and was pretty happy with how smoothly everything went.

I also received all my goodies by mail this morning. Holy cow it is a lot of drugs!

I was really pleased to find out how much my insurance covered! We were told to plan for 3,000-5,000 and our total was just under $2,000. I feel really blessed that even though our insurance doesn't cover IVF, it does cover a lot of the medicine! BTW- I don't usually like to talk about money or how much things cost. I'm not bragging by any means just being real and honest with the procedure. These are all things I wish I would have know from the beginning and I feel it is important to share as part of my experience. 

We also got a HUGE blessing from my parents this week. They recently made some extra cash selling one of their cars (My mom likes her new cars so they buy/sell cars pretty often and have NEVER made a dime. This is a first!) and told us they want to pay for the majority of the IVF procedure. Jay and I are sooooooo thankful! This is huge news and if we were to get pregnant, helps us start our baby's life without debt! 

We got the go ahead to proceed with IVF from our doctor and are nervously awaiting the injection part of the process. On August 6th we'll start with once daily Lupron injections. On August 19th we'll go to the doctor and hopefully get the ok to start on the stimulation injections. Our tentative date for the egg retrieval is August 31st. Our tentative date for a 5-day transfer is Monday September 5th or labor day! And we should know if we have a little on by September 19th. I'm still thinking about how I am going to blog this. I don't really want to announce our pregnancy at 4 weeks but I'm sure I'll say if it didn't work. Maybe I just won't talk about it at all and make some draft posts to publish once we get past the first trimester. We'll see! 

The Car

So we decided in June it was time to buy a family car. We really needed something to tow our boat too. We found a great deal on a used Tahoe in Columbia, SC. We drove down to take a look and bought it the next day. We were really pleased with our deal. The car was certified pre-owned so it had very extensive 1 year warranty. We thought we were in the clear! Upon driving it around Charlotte the next week, I noticed some of the electronics weren't working correctly and promptly took it in to a local Chevy dealership. The service manager explained that someone had took out the DVD/Navigation system that originally came in the car and replaced it with the standard radio. Big problems. Luckily it was under warranty and we were going to get a new navigation system and backup camera out of the deal. Sweet! Little did I know. (BTW- if it wasn't under warranty we would have been out a very pretty penny to replace the system ourselves! So beware when buying a newer used car that the electrical system is originally and intact!)

After two weeks in the shop, we were getting a little fussy and wanted our car back. We called the service manager and he explained that the  dealership in Columbia decided they didn't want to pay for the work to be done as we had originally discussed. A quick phone call to Columbia and they swore they'd pay asap. A few minutes later, the president of the dealership in Columbia called and said they wanted to come get the car and take it back to their shop to do the work to save on labor costs. Umm don't think so. Jay and I wrote up a contract that IF we were to give them permission to take the car and work on it, they would need to provide us with a rental car, pay our monthly payments as we'd only been able to drive the car for one week, and warranty the new parts for 3 years. Jay faxed the contract to the dealership early Wednesday morning. By 4 he hadn't heard anything back and called the president to figure what was going on. The president informed him that the car was in too bad of shape and they didn't want to fix it. Wait? How did you know what shape the car was in? Oh yea, because they drove to Charlotte and put our car on a flatbed and took it to Columbia. Isn't that stealing?! So now we've hired and attorney and are trying to settle with this group that they buy the car back from us and take care of our expenses. It has been a crazy experience!!! I feel like these things happen to our family all the time. Jay and I can't wait until this is all resolved and we don't have to deal with these people anymore. Once we finish with the litigation, I'll be sure to warn you about this dealership!

Meanwhile, we're looking for a new car and may be headed up to DC this weekend to pick one out! Here's hoping that transaction runs smoothly!!!

Fleas
Sophie, our "foster" wheaten terrier went to her breeder's house to get bred (I don't know if that is grammatically correct!). She returned home Saturday under the watchful eye of my family who was in town for a wedding. Jay and I were in Pinehurst for a different wedding and didn't get home until late Sunday evening. On Monday, Jay headed out of town for work and I spent the day unpacking and cleaning the house.  Monday night while cuddling with Sophie on the couch, I noticed some dark spots in her golden wheat colored fur. OMG upon further investigation I noticed they were moving. Disgusting. I threw Sophie in the tub and doused her in flea and tick shampoo that we luckily had on hand when Boomer got a flea as a puppy. Meanwhile I was cursing my beloved husband for being out of town at this critical time. As a kid, it seemed like everything bad always happened when my Dad was out of town. I guess the bad luck is in my genes! I promptly removed all bedding including our down comforter and 6 down pillows and bagged everything up in garbage bags to stop the spread of fleas. I slept with an old sheet and blanket with no pillow that evening :)

Things seem to be under control. I haven't found any live fleas on the dead ones so looks like the meds I picked up at the vet have been working. The vacuum has been running like crazy and all our bedding stuff is still locked up in a "flea free zone" until I know for sure that they are all dead and gone. The dogs are still pretty itchy and I'm going to take them in this afternoon to see what else I can do. Any of you ever experienced a flea circus in your house? How long did it take to get rid of them? Any ideas or suggestions?

I know this was a super long post but now you're all caught up with the craziness that is our life! Hoping you're having a relaxing, peaceful summer!

By The Way

We met with our RE on June 30th and started the IVF process. I figured it would start pretty quickly but no, like everything else you deal with in infertility, you have to wait. I'm EAGERLY waiting for my period to begin (isn't that a change!) so that I begin taking 24 days of birth control pills. Fun stuff. The think that is how long it will take to really suppress all of my hormones. I'll start taking Lupron injections after that for more suppression for about 8-12 days and then tentatively on August 20th I'll get to start the good stuff. The Stimulants! Stims are drugs that stimulate your ovaries into growing several eggs for IVF. I'll be taking those injections for 10-12 days right up until its time for ER (aka Egg Retrieval) which is very tentatively scheduled for September 1st. Hopefully 5 to 6 days after the egg retrieval, they'll transfer back two good embryos that in two weeks time with become a positive pregnancy test!!! All the timeline is very tentative. It could happen before, could happen later, could not happen at all. I run the risk of hyper ovarian stimulation syndrome which is when ovaries become dangerously large and overstimulated. This happens to a good amount of PCOS patients. Please say a prayer that I'm one of the lucky ones that won't get OHSS. That's all for now. Posts later with pictures of everything we've been up to!

Remember

This is something I came across that I want to remember. Not anything really for the blog. Something that makes me feel better about our choice.

"What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?

"I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

"No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down.

"Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

"While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know."

Beach Bums

Two weeks ago our

Summertime!

I'm finally getting into a summertime routine! I love being at home and am truly enjoying a clean organized house. I've made a few summer "resolutions" and have been sticking to them! I have never been one to make the bed but I've done it everyday this summer. I'm cooking every night and our laundry is completely caught up. I even washed the duvet and shams in my sisters room and ironed them! I've enjoyed working out and spending time with friends. I haven't made it to the pool yet but that's my goal for tomorrow. Jay's been coming home for lunch and I've enjoyed cooking for him and eating with him. Our carpets and couches got a good steam cleaning yesterday. The people at Charlotte Carpet Cleaning did a fabulous job and were in and out in no time. I like using local businesses and highly recommend them. I've been teaching vacation bible school and am getting used to my new age group the rising kindergarteners. All my sweet kindergarteners from last year are now grown up first graders and boy what a difference kindergarten makes!!! My dogs have been going for some long neighborhood walks and we're working on Sophie's social behavior... Overall I've really been trying to relax and enjoy summer. It always goes by too quickly!

Summer Goal: clean and organize linen closet. Check!

We enjoyed our first and possibly last lake day of the summer this past Saturday. After picking up our boat from the shop (for regular yearly maintance) we headed out to Lake Wylie and enjoyed the day floating at the Sandbar and working on our wakeboarding skills. During out wakeboarding session we noticed smoke coming from the engine. Turns out something cracked (not due to wakeboarding) and needs to be fixed. Not only is the problem costly to fix, most marinas have a huge wait for boat work during this time. We're hoping to drop the boat of Thursday and who knows when we'll get it back :(


This past Sunday instead of heading out on the boat Mary Clare, Kathryn, and I randomly headed to the NC Music Factory for frozen drinks at Wet Willie's. We had a great time sampling all 18 flavors. I went for a mudslide and found it delicious! This is probably not a spot I'd head to at night but was perfect for catching up with friends and cooling off during the day.

all 18 of our samples

Jay and I and our favorite lesbian couple Mary Clare and Kathryn (JUST kidding! Inside joke!) have been enjoying great music, yummy wine, and delicious picnic dinners at Pops in the Park on Sunday nights. If you haven't been I suggest you go this Sunday for the last concert of the season. They play patriotic music and have an awesome fireworks display. Be sure to go at 4 to drop your blanket and chairs off. The grass fills up fast!

first pops of the season

my well planned picnic. see below for potato salad recipe!

Kathryn

Me & MC

Can't remember why we're excited?

Please excuse the sweaty hairdo! It was toasty out there!

What's Cooking Lately:

Mary Clare requested my potato salad recipe which is not really mine, I need to give credit to Lauren for that one! Thanks Lauren. I've made it several times and it's actually only 2 weight watchers points per serving. Here you go:

Ingredients
1 large russet potato, peeled and quartered
1 large sweet potato, peeled and quartered
1 cup corn
1 teaspoon prepared Dijon-style mustard
2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
3 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
1 clove garlic, minced
3 tablespoons canola oil
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 cucumber, halved lengthwise and chopped
1/2 red onion, thinly sliced
1/4 cup finely chopped peanuts


Directions
Place the Russet potato pieces into a large saucepan, and cover with salted water.

Bring to a boil, turn the heat down, and simmer for 10 minutes. 

Add the sweet potato, and cook about 15 minutes more. 

Remove a piece of each potato, and cut it in half to see if it is cooked enough. 

Once the potatoes are tender, add corn kernels; cook another 30 seconds. 

Drain through a colander. 

Fill the saucepan with cold water, and drop vegetables into water.

Cool for 5 minutes, and drain.

In a large bowl, whisk together mustard, lime juice, cilantro, and garlic. 

Slowly whisk in oil. 

Mix in salt and black pepper.

Cut cooled potatoes into 1 inch cubes, and add to dressing along with cucumber, and red onion.

Toss well. 

Serve at room temperature or chilled. 

Toss the peanuts in just before serving.

I've been trying to incorporate all kinds of veggies into our everyday meals. I went to the Matthews farmers market last Wednesday and was disappointed in the selection until I realized that all food is grown within 100 miles of Charlotte so um duh there aren't going to be any bananas there! Ha!

I bought some gobbetti pasta at Earthfare the other day and needed to find a recipe to use it in. I though this recipe was delicious and light for a nutritious summer meal. I added diced up chicken breast tenderloins for a little protein. I just tossed them in about three minutes before the pasta was done cooking.


Ingredients:

8 oz. dry gobbetti pasta (2 cups) [or pasta of your choice]
4 small zucchini, julienned (4 cups)
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 cup low-fat ricotta
1/2 cup torn fresh basil

3 chicken breast tenderloins cut into small pieces (I love Trader Joe's Frozen Tenderlions. They thaw quickly!)

1. Cook pasta in large pot of boiling salted water according to package directions; add chicken to pasta 3 minutes before end of cooking time; add zucchini to pasta water 1 minute before end of cooking time.

2. Meanwhile, whisk together garlic and ricotta in large bowl. Drain zucchini and pasta, and add to ricotta mixture. Stir in basil, and season with salt and pepper, if desired.

4 zucchinis julienned 

3 chicken breast tenderloins cut into small pieces

ricotta cheese, garlic, salt and pepper

fresh basil

mix it up with the noodles

and serve!

I was craving a sandwich from Bedder Bedder & More today and rather than spending $7 on a sandwich I bought the ingredients to make it myself. It was so good and filling I could only eat half. I had way too many vegetables to all fit on the bread so I ate some on the side and plan to use some tonight for kabobs. The whole sandwich was 9 points (5 for bread, 2 for turkey, 1 for cheese, and 1 for sauce) but splitting it in half cut it down to 4. You could also lower points by using pita or a low-carb wrap. 

Ingredients I used:

4 medium slices of squash

4 medium slices of zucchini

1/2 red pepper

1/2 yellow pepper

1/4 thickly sliced yellow onion

Handful baby spinach

2  medium thick slices deli turkey

1 whole wheat harris teeter brand flatbread

1/4 cup shredded cheese

For the sauce:

Cooking spray

1 tbsp balsamic vinegar 

1/4 tsp turbinado cane sugar (you can use regular sugar I just prefer turbinado)

1 & 1/2 tbsp olive oil

Salt and Pepper to taste

Recipe:

Heat pan over medium high heat with cooking spray (I used olive oil spray) until it shimmers.

Add veggies and cook for 2 minutes

Add vinegar, sugar, olive oil, salt, and pepper

Continue cooking for 5 minutes

Meanwhile put turkey on bread and heat in microwave for 30 seconds

Add veggies and sprinkle with cheese. YUM!

I can't get these pictures in the correct order but you get the idea!

Well Hello There Blog

Recently I've stepped back and tried to take a break. The school year was hectically coming to a close. I was waiting on our last ditch effort to create a child on our own. My parents had officially moved  to Atlanta. I sort of avoided this blog. I started living a little and doing what I said I would do prior to starting IVF. I went out to eat with friends, went to a few concerts, visited the beach, made two trips to my parents house (one to hang out and one to see my aunt who was in town), and enjoyed my first week off of work.

To be honest, I didn't enjoy it all that much! I hate structure but I need it. I woke up at 9:00am today and really haven't gotten off the couch since. If I don't have things to do, I'll do nothing, as I've done today. So I need to start working on this summer routine thing. First of all, I NEED to start running. I miss the clear-head and skinny body that running gives me. That will be my first priority. Second, I need to start cooking. I haven't been in the kitchen in sooo long! I got a taste last night preparing food for the pops in the park concert and I realize how much I have missed it. I want to read books, paint several pieces of furniture that I've put off, list a few things for sale on craigslist. Organize the garage (dun dun dun). I've decided to create my "summer list". Things I want to accomplish this summer. I thought about writing the list in the post but decided to create a separate page so I can easily make additions and cross things off that I've accomplished!

On another note, I figure I may as well do an infertility update. I didn't get pregnant this cycle which gave me a feeling that Jay's test results were not going to come back as high as we wanted them. I was totally prepared for IVF to start today (my cycle day 3, which is when I usually start the meds). The doctor called us yesterday on our way home from the beach to tell us the results. She told me that we would need to proceed with IVF and I should call tomorrow (today) to schedule our IVF consultation. Um what? IVF consultation? Haven't we been talking about this for a few months? Can't we get started right away? Um no. All patients pretty much take a month off and have their consultation before anything can begin.

I was devastated. I cried and cried. Why was I crying? I knew this was going to be the case. I have weird feelings about things and I've pretty much known since January that we would have to do this. But it hit me hard. Really hard. Mainly the idea that we will never be able to have children on our own. It sucks and I was not prepared. I cried the entire 4 hours home from the beach. Poor Jay. He's not a talker when it comes to that kind of thing. Doesn't show a lot of emotion. Just kept telling me it would be ok. It didn't help. Nothing helped (well maybe the fettuccine alfredo we had for lunch from olive garden...jk). I took some deep breathes. We fought for a little bit. About how Jay doesn't show emotion, about how he can just say "ok so we're doing IVF, lets do it" without any reservation or feeling. I'm jealous.

By the time we got back to Charlotte and finished lunch I was doing really well. We had plans to attend pops in the park and I was able to keep myself busy and distracted. I prayed and prayed last night that the first round of IVF will work. I really don't know what I'll do if it doesn't. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I called to schedule my consultation this morning and the receptionist told me we couldn't get in to be seen for the consultation until July 21st. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I already have to wait this cycle out and possibly another. I can't image wasting three or more cycles! I was already bummed that we wouldn't get through our first cycle this summer. We had really wanted to do it this summer so that I was out of work and stress free. It looks like now I'll be doing it right at the beginning of a new school year. Talk about stress! I almost started crying to the receptionist. I think she could hear my voice crack and told me to hang on a minute. 10 minutes later when she returned to the phone she told me they could fit us in on June 30th. Thank you God! I am happy to wait 10 days instead of 40!

On June 30th we'll have an hour consultation with the doctor, an hour meeting with the nurse, and then a two hour meeting with the financial counselor. Please pray for us that day! IVF consists of a several days of birth control pills (to get control of my cycle), followed by several days of Lupron injections (to make sure that I am not growing any eggs on my own), next is several days of injections intended to stimulate my ovaries to create several follicles/eggs. Once the eggs have grown, I'll be giving another shot to release them and then I'll go in for the egg retrieval. This is an outpatient surgery where the doctor will go in and collect my eggs from my ovaries. The doctor will then inject a single sperm into each of my eggs and allow them to grow in the laboratory for 3-5 days. After the growth period, we will select how many eggs we would like to transfer back to my uterus. Another 12 days later we'll learn if the IVF was a success and if we are pregnant. At our clinic, 52% of people undergoing IVF get pregnant. 45% of people undergoing IVF actually have a child meaning the pregnancy did not end in miscarriage. Since this blog is read by pretty much only my friends and sisters, I want to ask you something. I've been really strong in the past few months. Haven't cried, have tried not to talk about babies 24/7, have tried to really enjoy my life pre-baby. Please bear with me over these next two months. Please be there if I need to talk. Please don't get annoyed if this is all I'm talking about. Please be there. I haven't realized how much this really would affect me until that nurse called with the news. I think more than anything I'm terrified that this won't work and that we won't be able to have children. Please keep us in your prayers. Thank you all so much!