Weekend Recap

I am so thankful for the people God has blessed me with in my life. I'm thankful for Heather from my bible school class who is also struggling with infertility. Friday night I texted her: period :( . She knows what I mean and has the kindest things to say. I didn't want to get out of bed Friday night but we had made plans to go bowling with our Sunday School class. Heather met me at the door with a cold drink and a shoulder to cry on. I let out a few whimpers and proceeded on with the night. 

I could have cared less about bowling! I enjoyed talking and spending time with friends. The topic of pregnancy came up again sometime during the night (when your around a bunch of 20 something couples it is bound to happen) and I shared our struggle with our pastor (her husband, our other pastor, leads our Sunday school class and is in the know but I don't get the chance to interact with her very often). She shared with me their struggle to conceive their youngest and the daily drives to Charlotte from Avery County to visit the doctors at REACH. Our pastors, Elizabeth and Jonathan have only been at our church for 7 months (the amount of time we've been trying for a baby). I think God put Elizabeth and Jonathan in our lives for a reason. Jonathan understands how to deal with the crazy, emotional wife part and Elizabeth understands being the crazy, emotional wife! 

Anyway... (this post was not intended to talk about infertility but I guess when your life is overcome by it, it does start to define you and dominate conversation!)  We had a GREAT time bowling and hanging out with friends. 

Elizabeth, Paige, Ruthie, Heather, and Me

Casey, Jay, and John

On Saturday, Allie and I enjoyed some lazy reality TV time while Jay took the Protecting God's Children class that the Catholic church requires for all adult volunteers (he's helping out with HT's baseball team). Bo got into town around 11 and we all got ready and headed out for a day of shopping and sisterly fun. We ate at the new mexican restaraunt near Southpark Mall, San Antonios. The food was pretty good and the $1 margarita specials was awesome. It was weird to be with just my sisters and without my Mom (she was in Atlanta looking for houses). It was like a weird preview into our life to come and I was ok with it. 

Allie (middle sis) and me @ San Antionio's

Sorry for the blurry iPhone pic

Saturday evening, Bo helped me run a TON of errands for church. Bo hates errands and I was so appreciative that she came with me :) We got Maggionos and Cheesecake Factory cheesecake to go and enjoyed a peaceful meal in our PJs. 

We had to be at church at 7am for new service set up on Sunday morning. Boy was it early! This was our first "practice" service before we started marketing our new service to the city of Charlotte. Easter is the big reveal. We were expecting 30, praying for 50, and 70 people came! It was a huge success and so great to see all of our work in action. Jay, sitting next to me, kept whispering how awesome it was! It was great to hear about it through his opinion. We enjoyed a meal with several of the other worship committee members at Mert's Soul Food. Quickie review- breakfast was just ok. I was expecting better but the conversation was great and thats what makes a meal :)

Setting up for Connect

A fter church I hung out with the pack of animals now living at our house and Jay worked on the yard. I got some spring/Easter decorating done. I'm really proud of my spring table setting! I LOVE pink and green and love using them to decorate my house. 

Sunday evening we headed over to our friend Heather and Jeremy's house to watch the basketball game with our Sunday School class in lieu of class (this was a major church-y weekend!). We had a great time and came home tired and ready for bed!

Paige R., Avery and Brenn 

reading books @ Heather and Jeremy's

Hope you had a GREAT weekend!  

impatient is my middle name

As per instructed by my RE, I called early Sunday morning to inform them I had started my period. The weekend nurse called me back to let me know that my nurse would call me this morning with instructions for the next cycle. I just received a phone call from my favorite nurse Denise. I updated her on what the urologist said (Jay's on the clomid for the next few months). She asked me if we wanted to do anything this cycle or just wait for the clomid to kick in. I told her that I don't know how many more disappointments I can take. I know Jay's last washed SA (semen analysis) was only 500,000 and that is sooo few sperm. I'm not really optimistic that the clomid will do THAT much for him. I asked her how far off from IVF we were. She agreed it was the next step and wanted to talk further with Dr. Wing about proceeding with it. He was currently in a meeting but should get back to her this afternoon and she'd call me then.... I hate waiting! I want to know now. My internet doctor has told me that prior to IVF many patients take birth control pills to level everything out. Those pills would start on CD2 and that is today. 

I could be COMPLETELY wrong about the protocol for IVF (I mean webmd doesn't issue diplomas :) ) but I just really hate waiting to find out what to do next. Please hurry 3pm! 

It's here.

So I woke up bright and early this morning to prepare for our new church service that starts today and guess who came to visit? Yup I defintely started today. At least the spotting helps me prepare for what is to come and I dot have the same crazy emotions going on today as I did on Friday.

Every month that I'm not pregnant I tell myself that it's going to happen this month and actually look up my next "due date". Hoping that positive thinking will do the trick! This month's due date would be January 1st. Kind of cool. Maybe we'll have the first baby of the year!

This is probably tmi by I'm concerned that I started my period really early this month and that the Crinone (progesterone) isn't doing it's job of putting enough progesterone in my body to prevent me from having a miscarriage by starting my period too early. We've also entertained the idea of switching to IVF this month. I know it's early in the infertility process but the way the sperm counts are coming in, it may be our only hope. I don't think I can keep having this disappointment each month as we wait for Jay's count to go up.

We're headed to church for the first day of the new contemporary service that we've been working hard to put on. Please
Pray for our church that this is a success and allows us to reach out to our community in a meaningful way!

March 25th

March 25th. The new date. The date I started spotting. Meaning full fledge period will begin tomorrow. Meaning I'm totally devastated. I really don't know how many more of these major let downs I can take. I don't know what to think or feel. It just hurts so bad.

Please let me be pregnant and not crazy!

I've been feeling really crazy over the past few days. I'm pretty emotional and actually cried typing an email this afternoon. I'm losing my patience with my students and giving out tons of demerits. Normally I'm laid back and joke around with them but recently they just annoy me. Everything annoys me! The only thing I really want to do is lay in bed and play solitaire on my phone! We're going out bowling this evening with friends and I really hate to say it but I'm not looking forward to it.

March 29th. I should find out whether I'm pregnant or not by that date. I've been searching all over the internet for signs and symptoms. During this two week wait time, I'm usually pretty good, patient, and optimistic for the first week. The second week is HARD. I think everything is a sign of pregnancy and life is good; Then, I start reading too much internet mess and start thinking negatively. I haven't found a single success story of an IUI working with on 500,000 sperm and that really depresses me. On top of that, Jay hasn't picked up the medicine that was prescribed 10 days ago to help increase his sperm count. Instead he has worked on his Jeep non-stop.

I stopped for a good five minutes during my planning period to pray and couldn't even clear my head enough to really figure out what I should or want to be praying for. I want this pregnancy to work, I want to accept that I'm following God's plan and not my own, I want Jay to be as committed as I am, I want to stop feeling like a crazy person, I want patience to wait, I want to accept that I am not in control. Maybe sometimes its better for me to write it out rather than keep all of these things stored in my head. I do feel guilty though. I feel guilty that I'm not praying for the people in Japan, for those that are hurting or hungry, or homeless, or even for my friends that I've promised to pray for in their time of need. I do want all of those things but I REALLY want a baby.

Sorry this post is a bit sad and whiney but I do feel better when I get it on paper. And again, this blog is really for me, my space.

On a good note, there are highlights to during my day. These highlights always remind me of all the things I have to be thankful for. My favorite carpool mom complimented my shoes again today. My kids loved my outfit and told me how pretty I looked. That always helps! Jen, my favorite substitute and fellow soccer coach was subbing for another encore teacher today and we got to eat lunch together. Yay for adult time!

I enjoyed a TON of yummy sushi last night with my besties Mary Clare and Kathryn at Rusan's. Yay that my OB told me I could still eat sushi until I saw a plus sign.

Speaking of, on Wednesday I went in my my annual ob-gyn appointment (I mean really, I pretty much get a pap smear five times a month, do I really need an annual exam?) I decided to see a new doctor, Dr. James. Jay and I met him the day after we got our first positive pregnancy test. He was so kind dealing with me in my fragile state and was all set to put me on fertility drugs (we opted to go to a RE instead). I knew that day I wanted him to deliver my baby. At my latest appointment, he actually knocked on wood that I was pregnant and proceeded to tell me all about the new maternity center at CMC where I would deliver my baby. He was so hopeful and optimistic it made me feel good!  Going to the obgyn was HARD but I made it through seeing all of those pregnant bellies and precious newborns without shedding a tear. Thank you Lord!

After my appointment and soccer game on Wednesday, I met my favorite bible study gals at Rock Bottom for dinner and drinks before our new service rehearsal. Getting out with the girls ALWAYS lifts my spirits. Especially these girls. I'm blessed to be part of such a fun, supportive group.

I feel better just writing that and getting it all out! Thanks for listening. Have a great weekend!
<3
a

More Girly Crib Bedding

Shelby

Annabell

Ansley

Baby Bella

Blair

Candy

Claira

Gabby

Gina

Hannah

Parker

Peyton

Sarah

Serena

20 Questions

My sweet crippled friend Mary Clare at Southern Elegance tagged me in the 20 questions game! 



Here are the rules:

• Rule #1: The tagged person must write their answers on their blog and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

• Rule #2: Tag 4 people to do this quiz. The tag-ee must state who tagged them.

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals or are they members of your family?
They are definitely members of the family until they poop inside then they are animals! Sophie and Boomer sleep with us and cuddle with us all the time. Boomer sits a my feet in the kitchen NOT because he gets people food but because he just loves to be around me.

2. If you could have a dream come true, what would it be?
I would be able to get pregnant on our own without fertility drugs. I'd love to have four children and am still praying that is a possibility!

3. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Yay!!! I'd probably run around screaming like a crazy person. I would first give to my church because I know we are struggling financially right now. Second, I'd love to sell my house and get something bigger that I could raise a huge family in! Although I love my job, I'd quite and be a professional housewife. I LOVE my summers off and never get bored. I love having a clean place with dinner on the table when my husband gets home. I'd buy my dream car, a lake house, a beach house, and go on some really sweet vacations. I'd pay off my sister's student loan debt that she is about to incur. I'd buy a private jet so I could fly to Atlanta to see my family whenever I wanted. Hmm maybe I'd save some, but we all know that is not my forte! 


4. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?
Two words. Ben & Jerry. Just kidding. Shopping. I love to shop. I forget about the issue when I'm shopping. If I have no money, reality television works pretty well.

5. What is your bedtime routine?
Glass of wine, tv with my husband, falling asleep on the couch, padding down the hall to my room and snuggling with my pups. I am horrible at bedtime. Ever since I had lasik, I don't really have a bedtime routine since I don't have to take my contacts out. I don't wash my face and generally don't brush my teeth (ew gross, I know...I promise and brush and floss really good every morning!)

6. What activities did you do in High School? If you could go back, would you do the same stuff or something different?
Everything! Cheered, coached cheerleading, played soccer for school and club, swam summers and for school, was a member of the diving team, really involved in younglife, debate team (not that I was every very good!), DECA, and partied a lot! I would do it all the same. I had tons of fun and great memories. Like Mary Clare, I wish I was closer to my high school friends now but am so thankful for the new friends I've made!

7. What kind of books do you read?
Books intended for teenagers, beach books, James Patterson, Sophie Kinsella type stuff. I also read a LOT of blogs! I'm a terrible reader during the school year. I look forward to summer and spring break, where I can layout at the pool or ocean with a "good" book. On my list to read is "The Help".

8. How do you see yourself in 10 years?
Happily married, crazy and frazzled chasing around my four kids but loving every minute of it!

9. What’s your fear?
Ketchup. I hate it. It scares me. The smell makes me cry. More rational fears include: being kidnapped, someone breaking into my house while I'm sleeping and Jay is out of town, and shots/needles.

10. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to see outer space?
Um no. I have no desire.

11. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Hit the snooze button about 8 times. Jay and I lay there until one of us convinces the other to get out of bed and shower. Our dogs are so LAZY they'd sleep until noon. It doesn't make getting out of bed easier!

12. If you could have any job, regardless of income, what would it be?
I'd love to do hair. I've always wanted to go to cosmetology school. My mom told me that I had to get a degree and then we'd talk about it. I'm still waiting to talk about it. My friend Brittany is going back to school now for it and she loves it. She's inspired me to take a look at going!


13. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?
I have no idea. I like my name!


14. If you had to choose between six months of sun or six months of rain, what would you choose?
Umm hard choice... sun!

15. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?
I could eat sushi everyday for 6 months. I love it and am not looking forward to giving it up when I get pregnant. At least I've discovered Cowfish's Burgushi!

16. What is the thing you enjoy about blogging the most?
I used to blog just for Jay and I and our families to keep in touch and keep memories while we are on vacation but now I've added in more personal details. I love having a record of whats going on in our lives. I like being honest with my emotions and sharing our struggles. I like to connect with people and I LOVE getting comments (it means someone else is reading it!)! I was taken back that Mary Clare tagged me because my blog isn't really public, but now its out there for others to read and I'm okay with it. I'm a really open person anyway so thanks MC.

17. Do you prefer salty or sweet foods?
Both. Salted Chocolate Caramels!

18. What items are in your purse right now?
Here we go: Two camel back water bottles, coach wristlet I haven't changed out since Europe this summer, digital camera, digital camera cord, ten pairs of earrings, auxiliary cord, tons of papers and receipts, iPhone, iPhone charger, iPod, two pairs of sunglasses, four lip glosses (all MAC oyster girl), Michael Kors watch, Yurman bracelet and ring, camera charger, notes about my hormone levels, a straw, a spoon, purology pomade (for the fly aways that my students make fun of me for!), guaze left over from having my blood taken, prescriptions, bobby pins, keys, a few giftcards, buttons, Essie E-Nuff is E-Nuff nail polish, hair tie, salt packets (I love me some salt), old church bulletin, and keys. It's amazing what you can learn about a person by looking in their purse!

purse contents shot

Sorry its sideways! I don't know how to fix pics from my iphone

20. What do you watch on television that you know you shouldn’t?
Hmmm everything. I shouldn't be watching TV. I should be working out and cleaning my house!


So, I don't have that many people that read my blog so I'm having trouble thinking of people to tag!

#1- Sara Boehm- Although you don't have a blog, I figured this would be a good time to start one!
#2- Bo Sadow- I forgot the link to your Europe blog, just humor me!
#3- Jennifer Morrison @ Morrison Makings- I'm not sure if you read this but we'll give it a shot because I think I gave you the link a long time ago :)
#4- Katie Self- I think you're new to the blog and don't think you have one but you should start one too!

Anyone else that reads, don't be scared! Let me know! I'm tagging you too!

<3
anni

Bedding

Some ideas I love! Feel free to weigh in! I'll be adding more soon but I was just tagged in a question post by MC and need to spruce the blog up a bit! Bye Bye Valentine's Day theme!

Blog is all spruced up now in pretty spring pink and yellow. Back to baby bedding! BTW- Some of you may think this is silly and premature to post this stuff but seeing it gives me hope. Don't hate.

The Girls:

Mallorie

The Boys: 

Princeton


Brady


Max


Nantucket

Mack


Dalton


Regent


All images via Polka Dot Designs

So where have I left off....

Last week was pretty crazy around the Carroll house. My family had to be out of their house and moved into ours. It's been really nice so far having them there. My mom's done laundry and my sister has really helped making sure our dogs go outside and get plenty of play time with her puppy Deacon. Let's see where to begin.

The Baby Stuff

First of all Jay and I along with our families had pretty much decided not to do the IUI this month. His sperm counts were low and I just didn't want to spend $600 until we knew more about his counts and could tell if there were any problems. It was the financially smart thing to do. On Sunday, March 13th I had my CD13 doctor's appointment. The doctor told us that I had one egg large enough to be released and my hormone levels looked really good. On a side note, the normal weekday lab techs don't work on the weekends and the girl that was there was terrible. I got stuck three times and should moved the needle around all three times looking for my vein. I still have bruises on my arms! My nurse called back later that day to schedule the IUI. Since my levels looked so good Jay and I decided to go forward with the IUI.

Sunday night around 10:30pm we had just gotten home from bible study and  realized that I had not yet had my shot. I am TERRIFIED of shots. I cannot explain how much they freak me out. I had talked to Kate earlier in the week and told her I would call her sometime on Sunday to do the shot. Well there was no way I was going to call her that late on a Sunday night. Jay promised me that he knew what he was doing, took the shot, tapped it a few times, pushed the air bubbles out and reached for a chunk of my stomach. I screamed bloody murder and ran away. I was hyperventilating, crying, and thought I would pass out (and I still had not gotten the shot!). He tried to calm me down and I went to lay in the bed so that I wouldn't pass out. I called my mom on the phone to distract me while Jay went for. I swear it was the slowest shot possible. I didn't breath the entire time. After it was over I realized that I hadn't felt a thing and had a newfound appreciation for my husband :) He administered the shot perfectly!

On Tuesday morning, Jay and I took off work to go in for the IUI. We had to arrive at 7:30 for labs (thank God my normal lab tech was back!) and a semen sample. At 11:00 we went in for the IUI. My doctor told me that I actually released two eggs which was good news. The bad news was that Jay's count was even lower than before, only 500,000. Luckily my nurse is awesome and was so hopefully and optimistic, she made me really hopeful and encouraged me to think positively. The procedure was painless and over in 20 seconds. We left feeling really good about our decision! I know it may be silly but I wanted to take a few pictures just in case this works!

After the procedure

That afternoon, we went up to Concord for Jay's appointment with the urologist. He said that everything was totally normal, no problems at all with his "anatomy" or his hormone levels. The doctor was so funny and made a very awkward situation much less awkward for both Jay and I :) He gave Jay a prescription for Clomid, the drug they first had me on to get pregnant. The doctor said it stimulates the FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) that produces sperm in men and ovulation in women. I laughed in my head at the image of us both going to the pharmacy to pick up our matching fertility drugs. At least we are in this together.

As you can tell from my previous post, I had a rough week with pregnant people. I'm praying that I am pregnant because I have been VERY emotional! I almost cried during my planning period while I was looking at baby cribs! If not, this medicine has really cracked out my hormones! I really don't want to punch pregnant people and I really do believe that God has a plan. Sometimes though those words don't always provide comfort and I easily lose faith. I'm glad I have such an amazing group of supportive people in my life. Please continue to pray for us.

The Fun Stuff

Last weekend I attended Katie Self's bachelorette party in Charleston. It was so fun to have a girls weekend. We enjoyed a lingerie party on Friday night followed by dinner and lots of late night girl talk. We spent Saturday shopping on King Street and enjoyed appetizers and cocktails for lunch. What is it about Charleston that always makes me want to enjoy a mid afternoon cocktail!

On Thursday, I went with my mom to Atlanta to look at houses. They had put a bid in on the house that I had blogged (Lazy River) about but the owner countered and my parents decided not to pursue the house. We went to look at a house that my dad picked out and really liked. We were pretty set on it until the realtor told us she thought she  could get the lazy rive house (that I previously blogged about) down in price. My Mom was really interested and we went by to look at the Lazy River house again. It was soo pretty inside and everything that my mom had wanted. They're still waiting to make a decision and plan on looking at a few more houses before they put another offer in. I enjoyed spending some time with my parents by myself.

This weekend was sort of crazy with all the moving in! My Dad came in from Atlanta and actually spent the night at my house. I was shocked. We were all taking bets that he and my mom would get a hotel room. He HATES to impose. Jay and I enjoyed the beautiful weather on Saturday watching March Madness outside at Selwyn Pub. On our way home we went to TCBY's grand opening in Myers Park. I stuffed my face. I think I had 12 oz of ice cream. It was soooo good though!

On Sunday we thought we had to teach Sunday school, got to church early, and learned that it wasn't our week! We took advantage and went out to breakfast before the service started at this yummy farm to table restaurant, Harvest Moon Grill. The service was slow but the food was soooo good! We'll definitely go again! We enjoyed church and came home for Jay to work on his Jeep. I swear that Jeep will be the death of me! We got into it on Sunday about priorities and have agreed that working on the Jeep is a hobby, not a priority! Ha! I also got to cook for our bible study on Sunday. I LOVE cooking and being in the kitchen. I made a garden salad, quinoa with veggies, and baked lemon chicken, followed by white texas sheet cake for dessert. Yum! I was happy to have an excellent sous-chef (mom) around to talk, cleaned pots and pans, and cut up veggies!

I'm also realizing I need to take more pictures! This blog is quite wordy.

I never wanted to be this person but I am. I hate pregnant women. It hurts so bad to hear the news or see them. I've found out that two people are I know are expecting in the last two days and it kills me. Why can't it be me? Why is everyone else that wants to be pregnant, pregnant? Why is it so hard? If I hear "maybe now is not the time" or "God has a plan for you" one more time I might punch the person in the face. Worst part is, now that I've had the IUI I'm not supposed to drink and I could seriously use a glass of wine. I just need a break.

Dear Blog,
We're going in for out IUI today. Please pray for us!

Snoop Bloggie Bloooo oooo ooogggg

Whenever I think about blogging that song creeps into my head and stays there for a while! Ha! I've got a lot going on in my head so this post is going to be a random stream of thoughts.

I recently bought Better'n peanut butter and it is sooo much better than peanut butter. I could eat the whole jar. Its a lot less WW points than peanut butter and tastes great on a brown rice lightly salted rice cake.

 

I worked out this morning for the first time in AGES and it felt so good. I'm probably going to complain tomorrow about how sore I am but hopefully I'll catch the exercise bug again and make it a priority. 

Yesterday was pretty tough for me. My mom had gone down to Atlanta to look at houses. Yesterday she called to tell me that they had put an offer in. Here's the house and some details.

So I have to admit I sort threw a fit when she told me. I didn't think it would hit me as hard as it did. I feel like my parents are buying this big house and with no one living at home I'm afraid they're going to expect our family to visit often. I already feel so torn about splitting holidays and trying to make sure that family time is split evening between both my family and Jay's that the thought of having to be in Atlanta & Asheboro so often leaves me feeling like I'll never be able to be in my own home. It is so easy with my parents in Charlotte to stop by for dinner. Or hang out  for a few minutes on my way home. I think I just came to the realization that they really are moving away and I'm not going to be able to call them when little things come up. It will actually take planning and scheduling to see them and that makes me a little sad. I'm still holding out that both my sisters will end up in Charlotte and everything will be good :)

I've got lots more to write... our decision not to continue with IUI this month, Jay's birthday, and my upcoming trip but I'm just too tired. More tomorrow promise!

This Weekend

Friday night I got my hair straightened and stayed over at Kim's (my co-coach for cheer next year) house until late. I came home to find a sleep husband and two equally tired puppies.

Saturday morning I woke up super early and played about a million games of solitaire on my phone. Once Jay finally woke up we took the pups for a nice long walk in the rainy nasty weather. We came home to pack up our stuff and headed to Asheboro. First stop, the jeep dealership to turn in our jeep. It was sad to see it go. Jay wouldn't let me take too many pictures. He was embarrassed that the car salesmen were looking at him!

Saturday night we went out to eat at Jay's favorite place, American Roadhouse. I think it's pretty gross. Their specialty is fried seafood. I'm not a huge fan unless we're at the beach. I thought there pagers were really cute though! They are shaped like lobsters and as soon as I went to take a picture it stopped flashing!

We enjoyed the meal and continued celebrating at Jay's sweet grandparents house. A lady in Asheboro makes award winning pound cakes and Jay's mom got one for his birthday. Y'all, this cake is SOOO good. I tried to eat it all yesterday because I didn't want any leftover to interfere with my diet. I just can resist! Any who we had a great time celebrating and spending time with family!

Jay and his sister, Ivey

Jay and "Aunt" Vic

My turn with the birthday boy! Hard to believe we've celebrated 8 of these together! I wish I could find pictures of all of them!

The proud mama

The whole family

Papaw and Boomer

Sunday morning we woke up early for church. It was POURING! So glad I got my hair straightened! No frizzies here (aren't yall sick of hearing me talk about it!) We made a quick stop for my favorite breakfast sandwich at Biscuit Company and then headed on to church.

A little self portrait before church. Not the best picture but oh well.

After church we enjoyed a meal at K&W, which Jay and I love! They had chicken pie and ohh it was so good! I'm just noticing that all we did this weekend was eat! After lunch we headed towards home and stopped by to look at a Jeep. Jay fell in love at first sight and I am just about to leave school to go pick him up and head up to Asheboro so that he can purchase it. I'm really nervous about him driving it home. It's a 1979 and pretty much has no safety features. I want to get on the highway and into Charlotte before it gets too dark. Jay's real birthday is on Wednesday and we're planning to celebrate with friends sometime this week.

Happy Birthday to my Wonderful Husband!

Pictures

I've just started downloading my pictures from my camera and oh my. They've been living there for over a year! Be patient! Lots of pictures and catch up posts to come!

The Good and The Bad

The good- got my hair straightened. It straight and supper greasy. Can't wash it until tonight.

The good- Jay took me shopping for more shampoo and some nude finger nail polish

The bad- Jay learned how much purology shampoo and conditioner cost. Ive told him several times not to use my shampoo. Now he knows why!

Were off to Asheboro for the weekend to celebrate Jay's birthday with the family. Pictures to come!

Lets Be Honest

It's 3:12 on Friday afternoon. All my grading is done. My mid-quarter reports are sent to Edline. My desk is a mess (but what's new). I'm waiting on my afterschool kids to get here and am totally enjoying this time of silence and blog reading. I stumbled across this poem and it brought me a lot of comfort. I want to paste it here so that when I'm bitching about waking up in the middle of the night to feed my child I'll think back to this: :)

There are women who become mothers without effort, 

without thought, 

without patience or loss,

and though they are good mothers and love their children,

I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,

but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.

I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child sleep,

explore,

and discover.

I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. 

My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

Optimistic

Today I've made the choice to be happy and celebrate the good things in my life. A few things I'm happy about:

1. Sun shining on my head while driving the jeep with the top off blasting music from circa 1998.
2. Purchasing our new (old) jeep today and learning to drive a 3 speed manual this weekend. (Personal Note- I have always loved jeeps. As much as I love the speed of my inifiniti, and the luxury and safety of our soon to own volvo xc90, what I REALLY love is loud music, the wind in my hair, and some mega bass... little known fact- I have two 12" subs in my accord that I got in high school...and I still love them)
3. Getting my hair did today! No more frizzies!
4. Chick-fil-a sandwich for lunch
5. A husband who loves me sooo much and has done such a great job taking care of me, our home, and our furry babies.

the new jeep

I've also decided to start making a list of things to purchase once I find out I'm pregnant. I used to worry that I'd curse myself if I bought anything pre baby but I feel like we can't be any worse off than we are now :) Here's a pics of a few things that I can't wait to have!

A worth the wait onesie.

Not that I'm praying for twins or anything but...

 I think this Bugaboo Donkey stroller is the coolest thing I've ever seen :)

That's all for now! Happy Friday!