I cried

I watched Bethenny last night and lost it. I was actually upset at grandparents fighting (in a good way) over grandchildren. The show focused on how babies are only babies for a short amount of time and how grandparents don't want to miss a moment and how tough that will be for Jay and I with very carrying grandparents that both live out of town. Then the doom and gloom set in and I thought what if we never get pregnant. What if that is an argument we never have. I haven't really let my mind go to that point before but yall, this is hard. It's hard on our marriage. We both want this so bad. Sometimes its hard not to place blame, to feel connected. Sometimes its hard when our parents ask us how things are going. I know they are just trying to be helpful and supportive but even the littlest, kindest word can set me off.   I cried to my mom last night and she tried to comfort my tears with promises of shopping trips for new strollers and clothes and baby nursery renovations. As materialistic/shop-a-holic as I am, it didn't even cheer me up. I only cried for a few minutes last night and then got over it. I'm sure I'll be fine... until it happens again next month.

In addition, I spoke with our nurse yesterday. She asked me if we wanted to stop trying while Jay underwent testing. I immediately replied that we wanted to continue and that "it only takes one". It definitely left doubt in my mind. Sort of a lost hope for the next few cycles. I'm praying for a miracle.

Speaking of losing it... I'm such an emotional eater. I ate 8 trader joes chocolate filled shortbread cookies when I got home last night. Plus a snack size bag of lay's potato chips and a cheese stick before dinner. Way to go Anni... Fortunately, I'm starting running with my neighbors again on Monday. I'm really looking forward to it! I am getting my hair permanently straightened on Friday afternoon and it is supposed to be straight for weeks, no blow dryer required! This should cut my getting ready time morning time down and allow for a good run :)